Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Well it seems as if I have sparked some controversy by my last posting. At least this is what it seems after reading some of the comments left for me. I am sooooo happy with all of the many views people have on this subject. Sister HA.... I do not live with my mom. I didn't realize that I had not updated on that particular topic ( moving or not moving). The post you are talking about is when I had contemplated or maybe even decided that I would leave to live closer to my mother because I needed more help. Well I do not know exactly what has happened since then to make me change my mind, but I have indeed changed my mind. I do not think leaving my husband is the solution to all of my problems.....I think leaving him to live by my mother was more of an excuse to run away from my problems. Sometimes I think to myself......Am I in denial? Do I really appreciate the benefits I get from being in a polygamous marriage? Would I prefer to have my husband all to myself once again? The answer is...... I don't really know. All I do know is that I am coping the best way I know how and alhamdulillah it's not all bad. I can honestly say that I do not wake up anymore being consumed by my husband's marriage to Lisa. I can honestly say that I have learned many lessons through this.....good and bad. I can honestly say that I would rather be in denial than be miserable. I have experienced both emotions and I am better where I am now. I am happy with my life as it is. Alhamdulillah for everything!!! I have more blessings than many others. I know people in monogamous marriages who see there husband's less than me, who have more troubles in their marriage than I do and so on and so forth. I have a lot to be thankful for even though my life didn't quite turn out as I pictured it. Do I still feel betrayed?....hmmmmmm I am not sure about that. Maybe I do, maybe I don't, but either way it doesn't change anything. I am not responsible for what my husband does or what lisa does.....I am only responsible for what I do. I am trying to do it the best way I know how and only the future will tell if I am sucessful in polygyny or not. I have my moments as did the wives of the Prophet (saaw). I am weak at times and strong at others and I will continue this cycle till the day I die because this is just how life goes. But one thing is for sure I did not change my view on teaching my kids to at least accept polygyny as an option. I am not saying I want my kids to accept "any" polygynous situation they are put in, but if the man is practicing it according to the Sunnah and upfront and honest then I am all for it. I want them to be as well. Will they too have ups and downs???? You bet they will. They will also have ups and downs in monogamy. All I want is to prepare my kids for whatever they may face and I am trying my best to show them the right behavior when presented with a hardship of this kind. In the end their choices will be their choices....not mine. I just have to do my part. I would be doing my children a dis-service if I were to only present them with the negatives and not the positives.