Monday, April 09, 2007

Tonight was the first night that I let all my kids go over to Lisa's house while my husband was there and I was not. I guess I had always been afraid of her playing mommy to my kids in front of my husband because I imagined she would probably be a better mom to them than me.

My husband has issues with me about the kids. His main battle with me is over the foods they eat. He hates the words mac and cheese, ramen noodles, frozen pizza, hot pockets, fast food, whatever!! You get the picture. I agree with him that they need to eat healthier foods, but when I cook the healthy stuff they don't eat it and it goes to waste. I figure this is just their age and they will grow out of it insha Allah. I was the same when I was a child.

Anyways these are the things he makes a big deal about or for example spilled food or drinks, food in their room, etc. Yeah these are things that can annoy a person, but we have to remember we are dealing with kids under the age of seven. HELLO!!! This is all normal. Still I guess the shaytan in me thinks that Lisa will show me up in front of him and show him that she can be a better mother than me. I know she is not like that, but the thought creeps up, you know???

So I had to go to the store for some last minute urgent shopping and realized that it wasn't my day and I have all four kids and it was getting late and I couldn't do it alone. I called my husband and asked him if he would be willing to meet me in front of the store right next to their apartment so he can keep an eye on the kids in the car while I run in and get what I need. He said ok. On my way to the store he called me on my cell and asked if it would be ok for me to just bring the kids over to the apartment so he can watch them there because he was extremely tired. Since I wasn't going to be long, I agreed. I dropped them off, did my shopping and headed back to their place to pick up the kids. By the time I arrived my husband had already left to go pray Isha at the masjid so I had to go upstairs and bring the kids down. Well when I got there Lisa looked really good masha Allah. Without describing her I will just say that she looked very made up for someone who was just staying at home. Of course I know she was looking good for him.

Anyways a part of me got jealous right away because I haven't been able to pay much attention to my appearance lately because I have been very sick. I normally love to get dressed up, do my hair and make up, but I just haven't had the energy lately and I know thats normal and that's ok. My husband, to tell you the truth doesn't care either way. He is a very simple man (masha Allah) .....I know he thinks I am beautiful just the way I am. He has made sure to tell me over and over again in our marriage how beautiful I look to him. He doesn't care too much for clothes or make up, in fact he prefers natural beauty.

Anyways to get back to my point.....The shaytan started to play with me trying to make me feel insecure about a mother, as a wife, as a woman in general and that's when I had to put him in check. I reminded myself of something my friend once told me that I think has helped me a lot. She told me things always change. She tried to point out that at some point Lisa might have more of my husband's affection and at another point I might have it. She said that she might have years of being kid free with him and then there will come a time when our kids are grown and we too will have our time. She said that I will have troubled times and so will she.....I will have times when I am sick and so will she. Her point was that each of us will get our time.

After some thought I let the jealousy roll of my back and I appreciated how nice Lisa really looked and I thanked her for taking care of my kids. Then on my way home driving from her apartment to mine she texted messaged me thanking me for letting the girls go over there because she had fun with them. I am glad that she did because they did too. My three year old didn't want to leave. lol. Anyways all in all I am just happy to conquer the little whispers.......cause they are just soooooo damn annoying!!!