Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Well it seems as if I have sparked some controversy by my last posting. At least this is what it seems after reading some of the comments left for me. I am sooooo happy with all of the many views people have on this subject. Sister HA.... I do not live with my mom. I didn't realize that I had not updated on that particular topic ( moving or not moving). The post you are talking about is when I had contemplated or maybe even decided that I would leave to live closer to my mother because I needed more help. Well I do not know exactly what has happened since then to make me change my mind, but I have indeed changed my mind. I do not think leaving my husband is the solution to all of my problems.....I think leaving him to live by my mother was more of an excuse to run away from my problems. Sometimes I think to myself......Am I in denial? Do I really appreciate the benefits I get from being in a polygamous marriage? Would I prefer to have my husband all to myself once again? The answer is...... I don't really know. All I do know is that I am coping the best way I know how and alhamdulillah it's not all bad. I can honestly say that I do not wake up anymore being consumed by my husband's marriage to Lisa. I can honestly say that I have learned many lessons through this.....good and bad. I can honestly say that I would rather be in denial than be miserable. I have experienced both emotions and I am better where I am now. I am happy with my life as it is. Alhamdulillah for everything!!! I have more blessings than many others. I know people in monogamous marriages who see there husband's less than me, who have more troubles in their marriage than I do and so on and so forth. I have a lot to be thankful for even though my life didn't quite turn out as I pictured it. Do I still feel betrayed?....hmmmmmm I am not sure about that. Maybe I do, maybe I don't, but either way it doesn't change anything. I am not responsible for what my husband does or what lisa does.....I am only responsible for what I do. I am trying to do it the best way I know how and only the future will tell if I am sucessful in polygyny or not. I have my moments as did the wives of the Prophet (saaw). I am weak at times and strong at others and I will continue this cycle till the day I die because this is just how life goes. But one thing is for sure I did not change my view on teaching my kids to at least accept polygyny as an option. I am not saying I want my kids to accept "any" polygynous situation they are put in, but if the man is practicing it according to the Sunnah and upfront and honest then I am all for it. I want them to be as well. Will they too have ups and downs???? You bet they will. They will also have ups and downs in monogamy. All I want is to prepare my kids for whatever they may face and I am trying my best to show them the right behavior when presented with a hardship of this kind. In the end their choices will be their choices....not mine. I just have to do my part. I would be doing my children a dis-service if I were to only present them with the negatives and not the positives.

Thursday, June 07, 2007

Insha Allah I am having another girl. That's what the ultrasound says at least. Of course nothing is 100%, but that's what I am going by for now insha Allah. I am happy with that and so is my husband alhamdulillah. We both love girls so the more the merrier insha Allah. So this makes five girls masha Allah!!! Having this many girls has got me thinking of how I am contributing to the higher rate of women versus men. This is of course by the Will of Allah (swt), but it made me realize that the chances of my daughters being in a polygamous relationship will only increase. So what do I want for them? I want to somehow re-program my children. I want my children to grow up loving polygyny. I want them to live with it as a normal fact of life. I do not want my children to feel isolated or betrayed if it were to ever happen to them. No one is saying that they have to enter into polygyny, but I want to prepare them for the possibility of it so it is not a shock if it were to ever happen to them. This weekend I attended a lock-in (sleep-over) at a masjid and one of the lectures that was given was about how to be a happy Muslim wife. One of the other women that attended the gathering was someone I am well acquainted with. This woman is in her 50's, very beautiful, very independent, and very intelligent and is looking to get married. She is in need physically, emotionally and financially for a husband. While she was listening to the lecture you can see the sadness in her face. During the prayer she was crying so much.......I felt awful for her. You can sense her desperation to be a wife. Here she was suffering without a husband, but there were not many available to her. Nowadays most of the men are married especially ones who are close to her age. I really felt bad for her and it made me realize the true need for polygynyous marriages. These sisters are just as worthy of having good husbands as anyone else. Why can't we be better and tell our husbands (if they are capable) to take on another wife? I know it is soooo easy to say and sooooo hard to do, but then what is the solution? If every women says...."Not my man....." Then what will these women be left to do? Jealousy in polygyny is normal no one wants to share their husband, but I feel as Muslims we need to re adjust our mindset and become more accepting rather than rejecting. Polygyny practiced according to the guidelines set in the Sunnah can be a great benefit to all the parties involved and to the ummah as a whole. Insha Allah I plan to start with my little army of girls. Preparing them will strengthen them insha Allah.