Thursday, November 09, 2006

This past tuesday was my day with my husband, but when I began cleaning the house as I normally do I kinnda went into a deep cleaning mission. You ladies know how that goes. You start out intending to clean and you end up making the mess even worse than when you started. There was no way I was going to have the house finished in time for his arrival so I did something I normally wouldn't have done. I texted Lisa and asked her if we could switch days. She had monday and I was willing to trade my tuesday for her day on wednesday. This meant that she would have two days and I would have two days and then we'd go back to our regularly scheduled program (just kidding).

Anyways before she could reply my husband called to see how I was doing. I told him that I had texted Lisa to ask her if she could switch days. He asked me why I wanted to do that and I told him it was because the house was a mess and I didn't want him to come home to it looking the way it did. He said he didn't mind and to just leave the days as they are. I told him no no I can't and we'll just switch the days. He said, "wallahi I don't care." But again I told him I prefer it this way....besides I would have him for two days in a row and that may bring back memories of when I had him all to myself. He finally agreed, but he said he wanted to meet with me and the kids anyways before heading to their apartment and that he had something to give me.

I met with him after the girls got off from school. First thing he gave me was the spicy falafil sandwich I asked him to order for me from the store we met at. NICE!!!! Second thing he gave me was $100. VERY NICE!!!! And the third thing he gave me was a big and beautiful hand-picked flower that he had in a styraphome cup just for me. EXTREMELY NICE!!!!! SUPER SPECIAL!!! WOW!!! What did I do to deserve all that? Masha Allah what a wonderful gesture.

When he was about to leave I told him that the flower was an even better surprise than the $100. Subhan Allah we women really are easy to please. At least some of us are. Wallahi I prefer the hand-pick flower over the most expensive bouqet of roses.

So the next day he came home and the house was spotless alhamdulillah. It was a great idea switching days. So last night while we were lying in bed I asked him if he prefered two days there and two days here or if he prefered one night there and one night here. He said he prefered every other day cuz he missed us too much in the two days he was away. What a perfect thing to say.....even if it wasn't true. I know my husband doesn't lie though. He doesn't say anything that he doesn't feel so I can always count on what he's saying is sincere masha Allah.

The part that I am confused about is that when I thought of him being here two days in a row I wasn't as excited as I thought I would be. I think I got used to having my days without him. I use those days to do what I want to do. I use them to invite friends over or to go over to friends' houses. Those days I don't worry about being home before he gets home or having to cook and clean.

Do you think that I like that part of polygyny to have my own life aside from him? Or do you think that I have just become accustomed to him being gone everyother day for the past year? I don't know, but I was really thrown off by my emotions. I expected to feel one way, but instead I actually felt another. Subhan Allah!!! I hope I am not one of those women who are never satisfied with what they have. I sure hope I'm not. I love being with my husband. This is not to say that I am not happy that he will be home. I am thrilled he will be with us, but what is it??? I'm confused!!!!


Queenie said...

salaams vean and jumah mubarak to u

i enjoyed reading this post and it amde me smile. Im so happy that hubby did all these nice things. for u, and im happy that u are grateful for them. u have a good heart

i think u may be a little confused. i can relate about what u saying about thinking u will feel a certain way and then when hes there u feel different

that happens to me sometimes. i get allexcited when i know hubbys coming over but when he gets there i become sad and distant and i dont even feel like being with him

i know that i sometimes build a wall around myslef to protect my feelings and i dont let anyone in. now the problem with these walls is knowing when to let your guard down and allowing your hubby to love u and enjoy yht time u have together

lets face it, its not easy to have to share a man. here he is with u telling u how special and u are and being nice to u, but at the back of your mind u cant shake of that nagging feekling that the next day he wont be with u, but he will be in the arms of another, telling her the exact same thing

how does one then deal with this conflict

vean i really take my hat off for u. u have an enormous amount of Sabr. the way u accpeted lisa and the way u relate to her. its very rare to find woman of your kind. i so wish that FW was a little like u. that would make things so much easier

i also believe that all these good things are coming your way cos Allah is pleased with the kind manner in which you are treating lisa and your hubby. keep it up gal and may we all learn from that

JamilaLighthouse said...

Assalamu Alaikoum, I think what is happening is that you have learnt how to make your situation work for you.This is a really positive thing, we all get used to routine and we need it also, especially kids. time to yourself is important and it is one benefit of polygyny. Before my husband used to live with me, I did a lot outside the house, at one stage i was going to three different classes every week.i could go to a friends house and stay late and it didn't matter because all i had to do was go home and mash pumpkin for my babies, no dinner to worry about! So there are benefits and this is good because it makes it easier to cope with, it's not just about it working for our husbands, it needs to work for us also.

Recently i told my husband that if his first wife does choose to reconcile with him then i will need to do something for myself like study or start up a business that i've been dreaming about. My precoccupation can't be only him and the children if he ends up being gone half the time.