I have a confession to make......yes I am friends with Lisa and all, but I do not like her being with my step kids without me being there. That might sound strange to a lot of you, but that's the truth. I am very territorial when it comes to them. Yes they are not my kids. Yes they are her step kids too. Yes she has a right to have relationships with them as well, but I can't help my feelings. I guess in a way I feel that because I have to share my husband, I am not willing to share my kids and step kids too.
They always assure me that I don't ever have to compete with her as far as they are concerned because I will always be #1 to them, but deep down it still bothers me and I am insecure about it. I confess that since they came back I kindda have detered them from going to her house or for them to be with her without me there. The strangest part is that I invite her over when they are with me so her and her son can be with them, but maybe I did it so she can see how close they are to me. Maybe I did it to validate myself. Maybe I did it to show her that I am important in my husband's life. There are lots of reasons I probably did it.
Yeah yeah.....I know what ya'll are thinking. Bad Vena, but at least I am being honest about it. I recognized what I was doing and I recognized that I was wrong so this weekend I let go of my ego and I apologized to my hubby for being that way and I dropped the boys off to spend Sunday with my hubby, Lisa and her son. Hey that was a big deal until I realized that it really wasn't a big deal and it didn't take anything away from me.....if anything I think my husband respects me more for it because he understands how hard it was for me. I didn't mind her being with the entire family if I was there. Isn't that bad??? I know it is. I can admit that it is wrong. I guess I felt that I had to be there to watch what was going on, but I'm glad that I let go of that way of thinking.
I am not that kind of person. I am nobody to go trying to control people's lives, feelings or who they do or don't get close to. I am not a dictator.....I am their friend. Even though they call me their evil step mother (haha) I know they love me and I love them and I want what's best for them as I do for my own kids. I decided that what I wanted was for the kids to spend time with their dad and if that means that they will have to be with him and her....without me, then so be it. Who am I to stand in the way? Right???? Right. So cut me some slack cause I got it on my own.