Monday, October 09, 2006

As salamu alikum Ladies.....Yes I know it's been a while and man has it been hectic. Busy, busy,busy. I wish I could say that Ramamdan has kept me so busy, but unfortunatly it is dounia that has taken me away. Nothing bad alhamdulillah, but the daily routines have been kindda chaotic latlely. Am I the only one who thinks this is the easiest ramadan ever to fast? Subhan Allah fasting it wonderful this year, but unfortnatly the worshipping has been more difficult. I hate to miss out on this chance. This is my first year without my husband here full-time during ramadan so it's kindda taken me out of the ramadan spirit although that is soooooo stupid. This is the time it should be the best to have time for worship. Insha Allah I need to try harder.

So as far as the polygyny subject goes....things have been calm walhamdulillah. Lisa has come over a couple of times and alhamdulillah we enjoyed our time together. I still feel conflicted with my feelings towards the entire thing. Sometimes I don't know what I truly want. I often wonder how things would be if he left her or if I would even like for that to happen. I sometimes feel that the only reason I want him to leave her is to prove to me that he regrets what he did. I know that is stupid to think and even childish, but I am only human and that's what I feel. I miss my time with my husband. So far we have had two days alone without kids. Alhamdulillah my husband's ex-wife took all four of my kids to her house so he and I could spend time ALONE. His sister stayed although she was supposed to go to her other brother's house (weird, but whatever), but the night was still wonderful. We went to sonic and I got a chocholate shake and he got a strawberry smoothie. We then took our drinks and went to the park across the street from our house and acted like teenagers again. We walked talked and swung on the swings. Masha Allah the weather was gorgeous and we had a beautiful night. I will never forget it insha Allah.

I Love my kids more than anything, but it is wonderful to have some time alone without crying, bottles, cleaning, diapers, bathrooms, feedings, clothing, bathing, carseats, strollers and so on. It was nice for my husband and I to sleep in and not have to wake up to a noisy house. When we woke up he told me that I needed a day like this at least once a week. I agreed, but told him that that was part of the reason why I resent him for getting married to someone else. He gets days like this half of the week and I have two of his kids and do not have that. I feel as if I should get the rest....not him. Is that bad to say? I just feel that it's not fair, but I didn't hang up on that too much.....I just made the comment and left it at that. He understood alhamdulillah and masha Allah.

I loved being given the chance to feel my age again and Jazaki Allah khair to his ex-wife and his kids, they are wonderful to see that I need it and actually assist in giving it to me without my asking. They offered to take the kids once a week to let us be by ourselves. Isn't that sweet?

Wallahi I believe that Allah rewards those who are patient so listen to this...... My daily routine went a little like this... I wake up for suhoor, eat , pray and my husband leaves for work. After he leaves I have to wake up my school girls, dress them, brush their hair, finish any unfinished homework, fix their lucnch and feed them if there is anytime left. The younger two are sometimes asleep and sometimes not so if they aren't there are diapers to change and bottle feeding. If they are asleep then I just leave them at home with my sister in law asleep till I get back from dropping off the girls to their carpool destination. The carpool destination is 6 miles from here....not too bad, but when you've been up since suhoor you're exhausted when driving. I drop the kids off to their carpool location which is my friend's apt. (she also happens to be one of the teacher aids at their school) and I pick up her one year old daughter to babysit her at my house when they all go off to school.

Now the people who car pool are my kids, my niece (brother in law's daughter), my teacher aid friend, and the arabic teacher is the driver. The arabic teacher picks my niece up from her house which is on the way and then comes to my friend's apartment and picks the rest of them up while I pick up the baby for babysitting. Is it all too confusing??? Ok anyways my sis in law left for another state a few days ago with her new husband so now I don't have her at my house everyother day like I used to. She used to spend one day at my house on the days that my husband was at Lisa's and then she would spend the night that my hubby was home at her other brother's house who happens to be my niece's father. So everyother day I had her there to be in the house with the youngest two while I took the oldest two to their ride.Ok anyways....She left and my hubby leaves too early for work so that leaves me to drive with all four kids now rather that 2. And now I come back with three rather than one. Get it???? I hope so.

Ok so now here is where Allah replaces a loss with a gain. Oh let me fill you in on some info. When I drop off the little girl that I babysit, I pick up my niece and my girls and take them home. My niece's mother works with my brother in law in his resturaunt down the street from our house and instead of My niece spending all day and night in the resturaunt until her parents get off from work I take her home with me. So in the afternoon until 9:00 p.m. I have five kids or more if my step kids are there. Ok anyways so my brother in law's wife offered that since I take care of her daughter after school, she wants to help me out too. She is so sweet masha Allah. She offered to take my kids to spend the night at her house from Sun. till thurs. when she comes to pick her daughter up. She will get them ready in the morning and the teacher will come and pick them all up from her house. Why not? She has a big enough house masha Allah and her daughter is an only child and would love to have night visitors (her cousins). This way she would be allowing me to rest in the morning and not have to worry about driving to drop them off. So she takes care of mine in the morning and I take care of hers in the afternoon. So now this is what I do till night when she picks them up. I bathe my kids and her daughter, get them in their PJ's ready for bed, help them finish their homework, feed them, and get their school clothes and lunches ready for the next day then send them off to sleep at her house. Now about the little girl I babysit.....her dad brings her to me now. It is really nice masha Allah. I might not have my sister in law to help me anymore, but I do have another sister in law who is filling in alhamdulillah....May Allah reward her. Let's not forget my step daughters....well my husband's step daughters......They too help me out tremendously and I love them sooooo much for it. May Allah give them the best of this dounia and the akhira!!!!

So as you can see I am busy, but alhamdulillah things are not soap opera worthy. I will say though that usually a week before that time of the month things start to get a little heated. I warned my husband this morning that the week before that time of the month has started so if I ask for a divorce for him to know what is causing it. I swear now I know why Allah does not allow for a woman to divorce and does not allow a man to divorce his wife when she is mensturating. Subhan Allah!!!! Who knows us better than the one who created us???? So keep in tune.....their might just be interesting development this week. lol. Just kidding!!!! May Allah protect us all from fitnah!!!!! AMEEN!

10 comments:

ummukatheer said...

as salaamu alaikum wa rahmatu Allahi wa barakaatuh, i ran into ur blog from another blog i think lol. I dont have one myself but got an id to post on here.I completely understand the way you feel about p, i have went thru those things myself and completely agree with everything you have said. Esp the mens do and don'ts. I laid those ground rules when we first married before he even got another wife. But yea keeping yourself busy and worrying about yourself, being selfish (in a good way) really helps in dealing and coping with p. We have to foucs on ourselves, our marriages, our children, and our akhira in a way like never before. We have the opportunity to do just that in this situation. Not to say that it isnt a hard situation bc it is hard and hearts the heart like no other describale pain. We as muslim sisters, women, have to learn how to control our feelings, and display them accordingly, like its a time and place for everything. I see your progressing along and may Allah reward you and us all for our patience and increase us in taqwa and nearness to Him.Ameen.

polygamy lover said...

I have missed you. I followed your blog from the first post to the last. I (on the outside looking in) think you should try to nurture your relationship with Lisa to become closer. You two were once the best of friends and even though the way things progressed wasn't ideal the facts remain that they are married and you are married and neither of you are leaving. There was a reason why you loved her in the beginning and they still exist. Embrace her and I will continue to make dua for you this blessed month.

Our Rewards Await Us said...

I'm glad you came back! I've missed you.

Honorary Arab said...

Asalamalaykom,

I've been on the look-out for your new posting. Yay! Here it is. Glad things are good.

Safa said...

I've been refreshing ur page constantly for the longest time.

Masha Allah, u sure have a busy schedule.....I'm still trying to figure it out! I know someone here in Egypt who does something similar, and besides, keeps a super clean house, always has great food and sweets on hand, and does a ton of other stuff besides. When I asked her once, how she accomplished so much, she told me, "I'm not scared of hard work, it won't kill me."

Hmmmmmmm......it just sounds so easy when u put it that way....

Amatullah said...

As-Salaamu Alaykum
Subhana Allah! Busy Busy Busy LOL but I'm happy that Allah made your situation easy. Allah has blessed you with some truly kind hearted people. It's really nice to have that alone time with the one you love! Remember, children are one of the many reason women get married... It kind of makes our marriages complete. So your co-wife might have feelings about your husband having a 'complete family' to come home to Wa Allahu Alaim. So go into your menstruation with a complete feeling in sha Allah:)
Alhamdulillah by the way... Jazakum Allahu khair for stopping by my blog. I changed the web address it's now http://polygynousharmony.com/ if you were interested

vena said...

I am interested. Jazaki Allah khair. I will add it to my favorites list now insha Allah.

mizazeez said...

assalaamu ^alayki wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh ukhti. ALHAMDULILLAH!!! i am so happy you are back. i missed you and have been stopping by your blog every day to see what's been going on. insha'Allah may Allah make things easier on you and assist you in reaping as much benefit as possible in these last days of ramadaan. love ya sis.

Musleema said...

as salaamu alaikum vena and ramadhan mubarak! Alhamdulilah, good to see another post from you and know that every thing is okay out there in Texas! Inshallah, be patient with those babies, wallahi the grow up quickly. Ummi always complains to my brothers and I that she wishes we all could move back in with her and abi now that we're all grown but times doesn't rewind. Khayr, inshallah, shukran for the insight in living in p. I don't what I would do if one of my "real" companions ever married my husband....okay, let me stop fronting, I'd asked a divorce. But that's me. I think you have handled this with so much honor, Mashallah. It is admirable, wallahi. Inshallah, I hope you will continue to listen to your feelings and try to always honor them/you too.

Safa said...

I just wanted to correct Amatullah's link....it's

http://polygynousharmony.blogspot.com/

oops....she forgot the blogspot.