Monday, September 18, 2006

My kids are here!!!! Well they are my step kids, but wallahi I feel as if they are my kids. They tried to surprise me by coming early from Dubai, but I didn't buy it. They gave me a bogus day, but I put all the clues together and figured out exactly when they were coming. I did keep it from my hubby though cause I wanted to surprise him. He had a feeling that I knew the date, but that day I threw him off completely. Anyways so he didn't suspect a thing and I expected their arrival so I made the house spotless and anxiously awaited them with my SIL. My SIL had never met them before. She was the only sister of my husband that had never met her nephews.

Anyways they arrived and I couldn't stop shaking while I was hugging them. I had missed them soooooo much and they missed us soooooo much too. They especially missed all the girls. They had never met their new baby sister or their aunt so it was a great night for all of us Masha Allah.

Now we did face one problem though. lol. They arrived on Lisa's night. Well I guess you can count this as a special circumstance so we decided to go ahead with a plan and surprise him. I called him and he told me he was getting ready to go to the masjid so I asked him which one and he told me of the one close to their apartment. Ok I said and I got off the phone. I screamed at the kids to get in the van and we squeeeeeeeezed in there and headed off to the masjid.

We waited in the front and the plan was for the kids to duck in the back and when he saw my van he would become upset and ask what I was doing there and why I didn't tell him I was coming then the kids would pop up in the back and surprise him. So we waited and waited and waited and he didn't show. The men at the masjid even prayed Isha and left. WTH is going on? He said he was about to leave to go to the masjid. Ok then he calls me and that was weird cuz I had just talked to him earlier so we all freaked and wondered if he found out somehow. But how? Their mom knew we were going to go and surprise him around 9:30 so no way would she call him around that time thinking that we already met and then blow our cover. No way!

Anyways when I talked to him he was upset and asked me if I knew that his ex and the kids were in town? So I played stupid and said, "WHAT?" As if I was shocked then he told me that he would call me back. We got off, but I couldn't wait to find out how he found out; so I called him again. He told me that his ex was outside of the home and called to find out if me and the kids were with him. She forgot my number and had to call him. MAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!! That SUUUUUUUUX!!! I was so disappointed! I had such an adrenaline rush anticipating his reaction. We were all upset, but it was finished.

Anyways I told him the cover was blown and that we were waiting at the masjid so he told them that he wasn't far and would be coming. Of course he brought Lisa with him and I didn't mind cuz it wasn't my day, but the kids were kinnda uncomfortable with that. His youngest son (12) wouldn't even greet him. He really didn't take it too well, but at the same time he was tired. Only one out of the four kids actually said salam to her. I talked to Lisa and so did my SIL. I felt bad for her so I invited her and her son (12) to come over so the boys can play together. They had met twice before when she was married to my husband's friend.

Anyways she came over with her son the next day and we had a very nice time. My step son who was upset the day before cooled down once he saw she and I were ok and after speaking with my husband. He decided to make the best of it. He actually hugged her and told her son that they were now brothers because his dad was married to his mom. Alhamdulillah it was a good day.

That night though, my husband and I were in the process of becoming intimate with one another when he mentioned how his son hugged Lisa and the comment he made to her son. I told him I knew with a hint of an attitude and he felt my mood change. I wasn't very responsive to him physically after that and he took notice. He asked me what was wrong and I decided to be upfront. I told him that he didn't need to say what he said. It wasn't the right time and frankly he didn't need to say it to me. He said, "You were the one who invited her here, so why are you upset?" I said, "Do you think that you telling me that he is happy with your marriage to her is gonna make me feel good?" And another thing is that it was bad timing. It shows me that you you are thinking of her. He told me that it wasn't that way and that he's sorry and he didn't mean to upset me." I knew he didn't mean to, but it did. I also decided not to hold in my feelings and let them build up inside. When I feel something I will say it. I feel like an immature kid when I do not discuss my feelings and instead pout and give him the silent treatment. I am an adult. I need to act like one and when I did he responded as an adult and we moved past it and caped off a beautiful day with a beautiful night masha Allah.


Anonymous said...


So, the good with the bad, eh? I guess it's no use wishing for only good in this world. But, honestly, it is almost all good for you, with only the "bedtime story" being the downer.

My hub does the same thing. He has brought her name into our bed. I insist ABSOLUTELY INSIST that not happen. When he has done it, since the insisting, I simply get up and matter what we are doing. So, I don't know if talking feelings works. It didn't work for me, but getting up and leaving sure did :)

Organic-Muslimah said...

"That night though, my husband and I were in the process of becoming intimate with one another"

"I wasn't very responsive to him physically"

Sister. InshAllah, I think these two sentances fall under the secrets between husband and wife. I am sure if your husband read this, he won't be happy that his wife is mentioning such things on a blog ( I know you didn't say much, but we shouldn't really know this part either, it's not part of hayaa). I really mean no offense, but this is something I have read similarly on here and felt that I should comment about. I hope this isnt offensive to you.

And on another note, I love how you embrace the step children as your own, shows how genuine and loving person you are. May Allah bless you.

Safa said...

It's too bad that ur cover was blown....I can just imagine the excitement and adrenalin rush. I think it sounds so great how you have yourself sorted out where you and Lisa are friends and equals on HIS time....but on ur own time.....It's just about u. I think that's called boundaries. That is definately a prescription for a successful polygynous marriage.

vena said...

As salamu alikum sister Organic-Muslimah. Do not worry you have not offended me, but at the same time I do not believe that my husband would consider what I said as saying the secrets of our intimate life. I did not mention any details of what we are doing. It is not a secret that my husband and I are We have had two children together. I only stated that to show that he had said something at the wrong time. I didn't know how else to put it. And when I said that I wasn't responsive to him physically, I meant that I was upset and he could tell. Believe me, I am very shy when it comes to my love-life with my husband and I don't think I could get myself to say somthing about the subject even if I wanted to. But I will have to say that most of our husbands would not like to read what we write on the blog about them and that is why I do not let anyone who I know or who knows my family read my blog. This is my venting space only....I do not wish to gossip about my husband. I like to sincerely seek advice and help others if I can. I also love the chance to reflect on my life through the insites of other people.

Muslim Mommie said...

AAWWW, I love how close you and the stepchildren are, masha-Allah. This is how I strive to be with my step-baby, but others sometimes try to interfere, masha-Allah. Anyways I'm glad you and hubby were able to end the night on a peaceful, loving note, wal alhumdullilah.