I invited Lisa over tonight to come and watch the HBO series "Big Love" with me and my step-daughter. We rented it from Blockbuster although I do not usually watch TV or movies. I have to admit though that I was one of the first people to enter into blockbuster this morning to rent the series. I rented the first 2 volumes out of five. Unfortunatly Lisa was not able to make it tonight, but insha Allah she said she will come over tomorrow. My step-daughter and I couldn't wait......we watched it and aside from all the sex scenes we had to fast forward through it wasn't half bad. It was actually very good. For any of you who do not know what the series is about.....it's about a man living in the Suburbs of Utah who is married to three wives, has 7 children by them, they all live next door to one another and share a backyard. It is very funny, very touching and very realistic. We'll see what Lisa thinks of it insha Allah.

Lisa came over two days ago for Iftar and masha Allah we had a great time. Our husband was spending the night in the masjid because it's the last ten days of Ramadan. I invited her over to come and join me and my step-daughter in breaking our fast. We talked, we joked, we laughed and all in all it was a very relaxed night. I guess without my husband being there it took some of the pressure off of us. We didn't have to worry about what he was doing or saying or what we were doing or saying. We were allowed to just be ourselves. My step-daughter even noticed a change in us. The atmosphere was comforting Alhamdulillah. May Allah give us many more days like these. Ameen

Lisa and I text message eachother today and here is how it goes.....

Lisa: salam. I miss U

Vena: Salam. Sure U do.

Vena: Y don't u ever call me then?

Lisa: I like the messages better.
(She meant text messages. We love the sound of receiving texts. We text A loooooot. )

Vena: So Y not text me then? I was seriously upset with u.
( I told my hubby a few days ago how she never calls to invite me, but I always do. I am the one who calls and texts most of the time and when she doesn't and I get fed up and don't call she gets sad and says I forgot about her and gives me a guilt trip.)

Lisa: Really?

Vena: Yeah..... He (our husband) didn't tell u?

Lisa: No

Vena: I just hate feeling that our friendship is one sided.

Lisa: U know I miss our friendship before. When it was just U and me. I feel like U don't need me anymore. U have so many people around U and I know I had a lot to do with it since I married HIM but I miss US then. When we used to wash clothes together, go shopping, when we used to spend the whole day together at ur home.....sometimes watching Tyra, decorating......I know it's stupid......
(she means before when she lived with me....before she married my husband)

Vena: It's not stupid....I miss that too. I don't hang out with hardly anyone anymore. I guess I just have this false expectation that we should be closer than we are.

Lisa: I don't know how to get close to U anymore.

Vena: Me either, but I'm trying.

Lisa: I know U are I always see that.

Vena: I just want 2 see it from u 2.

Lisa: I don't know how to but I will try.

Vena: Just act like b4 when we lived together. Don't treat me like I'm the other woman.

Vena: Anyways if He decides to stay at the masjid 2nite and u want 2 stay over then let me know cuz I will b all alone. All my kids except the baby are staying at his ex-wife's house.

Lisa: OK

Vena: Only if u want 2 of course. I will not get mad if u don't.

Lisa: Ok. Crazy.

Later that night. My husband calls me when I am at his ex-wife's house. We chit chat a while and he tells me that he will probably stay at the masjid that night. I told him it's a good idea and that I told lisa she can come stay with me because I will be all by myself. So he liked the idea and said he would talk to her about it because it made sense to do that. Instead of him waking up to go for Qiyam al layl he would just sleep at the masjid on her day and on mine and wake up for qiyam at the masjid itself. I thought he was going to, but then I got a few more texts saying......

Lisa: R u at the masjid?

Vena: no. Y?

Lisa: I don't think he is gonna stay at the masjid.

Vena : (thinking "weird, but ok") OH OK!!!

Lisa: What r u doing?

Vena: I'm at his ex's house. I'm about 2 go home in half an hour insha Allah.

The END!!!!!!

WEIRD I don't know what do say.....I am not going to go out of my way anymore insha Allah. I don't want to keep disappointing myself and if she gets mad that I don't call then so be it. I will not try alone. A friendship has to be two ways.......end of story!!!!!

I need the advice of you fine ladies tonight.... Right now hubby alternates nights between Lisa and I so we both get him every other night; Should I ask them to change it to three days here and three days there and then alternate sundays? Example......Lisa gets: Mon.- Tues.- Wed. Vena gets: Thurs.-Fri.- Sat. and then Lisa gets Sunday (his day off). Then the next week it goes like this..... Vena gets: Mon.- Tues.- Wed. then Lisa gets Thurs.- Fri.-Sat. and then Vena gets Sunday (his day off). Hmmmmmmm. What do you gals think? Or should I just keep it the way it is. What is better for the children???? Please give me your input!!!!

As salamu alikum Ladies.....Yes I know it's been a while and man has it been hectic. Busy, busy,busy. I wish I could say that Ramamdan has kept me so busy, but unfortunatly it is dounia that has taken me away. Nothing bad alhamdulillah, but the daily routines have been kindda chaotic latlely. Am I the only one who thinks this is the easiest ramadan ever to fast? Subhan Allah fasting it wonderful this year, but unfortnatly the worshipping has been more difficult. I hate to miss out on this chance. This is my first year without my husband here full-time during ramadan so it's kindda taken me out of the ramadan spirit although that is soooooo stupid. This is the time it should be the best to have time for worship. Insha Allah I need to try harder.

So as far as the polygyny subject goes....things have been calm walhamdulillah. Lisa has come over a couple of times and alhamdulillah we enjoyed our time together. I still feel conflicted with my feelings towards the entire thing. Sometimes I don't know what I truly want. I often wonder how things would be if he left her or if I would even like for that to happen. I sometimes feel that the only reason I want him to leave her is to prove to me that he regrets what he did. I know that is stupid to think and even childish, but I am only human and that's what I feel. I miss my time with my husband. So far we have had two days alone without kids. Alhamdulillah my husband's ex-wife took all four of my kids to her house so he and I could spend time ALONE. His sister stayed although she was supposed to go to her other brother's house (weird, but whatever), but the night was still wonderful. We went to sonic and I got a chocholate shake and he got a strawberry smoothie. We then took our drinks and went to the park across the street from our house and acted like teenagers again. We walked talked and swung on the swings. Masha Allah the weather was gorgeous and we had a beautiful night. I will never forget it insha Allah.

I Love my kids more than anything, but it is wonderful to have some time alone without crying, bottles, cleaning, diapers, bathrooms, feedings, clothing, bathing, carseats, strollers and so on. It was nice for my husband and I to sleep in and not have to wake up to a noisy house. When we woke up he told me that I needed a day like this at least once a week. I agreed, but told him that that was part of the reason why I resent him for getting married to someone else. He gets days like this half of the week and I have two of his kids and do not have that. I feel as if I should get the rest....not him. Is that bad to say? I just feel that it's not fair, but I didn't hang up on that too much.....I just made the comment and left it at that. He understood alhamdulillah and masha Allah.

I loved being given the chance to feel my age again and Jazaki Allah khair to his ex-wife and his kids, they are wonderful to see that I need it and actually assist in giving it to me without my asking. They offered to take the kids once a week to let us be by ourselves. Isn't that sweet?

Wallahi I believe that Allah rewards those who are patient so listen to this...... My daily routine went a little like this... I wake up for suhoor, eat , pray and my husband leaves for work. After he leaves I have to wake up my school girls, dress them, brush their hair, finish any unfinished homework, fix their lucnch and feed them if there is anytime left. The younger two are sometimes asleep and sometimes not so if they aren't there are diapers to change and bottle feeding. If they are asleep then I just leave them at home with my sister in law asleep till I get back from dropping off the girls to their carpool destination. The carpool destination is 6 miles from here....not too bad, but when you've been up since suhoor you're exhausted when driving. I drop the kids off to their carpool location which is my friend's apt. (she also happens to be one of the teacher aids at their school) and I pick up her one year old daughter to babysit her at my house when they all go off to school.

Now the people who car pool are my kids, my niece (brother in law's daughter), my teacher aid friend, and the arabic teacher is the driver. The arabic teacher picks my niece up from her house which is on the way and then comes to my friend's apartment and picks the rest of them up while I pick up the baby for babysitting. Is it all too confusing??? Ok anyways my sis in law left for another state a few days ago with her new husband so now I don't have her at my house everyother day like I used to. She used to spend one day at my house on the days that my husband was at Lisa's and then she would spend the night that my hubby was home at her other brother's house who happens to be my niece's father. So everyother day I had her there to be in the house with the youngest two while I took the oldest two to their ride.Ok anyways....She left and my hubby leaves too early for work so that leaves me to drive with all four kids now rather that 2. And now I come back with three rather than one. Get it???? I hope so.

Ok so now here is where Allah replaces a loss with a gain. Oh let me fill you in on some info. When I drop off the little girl that I babysit, I pick up my niece and my girls and take them home. My niece's mother works with my brother in law in his resturaunt down the street from our house and instead of My niece spending all day and night in the resturaunt until her parents get off from work I take her home with me. So in the afternoon until 9:00 p.m. I have five kids or more if my step kids are there. Ok anyways so my brother in law's wife offered that since I take care of her daughter after school, she wants to help me out too. She is so sweet masha Allah. She offered to take my kids to spend the night at her house from Sun. till thurs. when she comes to pick her daughter up. She will get them ready in the morning and the teacher will come and pick them all up from her house. Why not? She has a big enough house masha Allah and her daughter is an only child and would love to have night visitors (her cousins). This way she would be allowing me to rest in the morning and not have to worry about driving to drop them off. So she takes care of mine in the morning and I take care of hers in the afternoon. So now this is what I do till night when she picks them up. I bathe my kids and her daughter, get them in their PJ's ready for bed, help them finish their homework, feed them, and get their school clothes and lunches ready for the next day then send them off to sleep at her house. Now about the little girl I babysit.....her dad brings her to me now. It is really nice masha Allah. I might not have my sister in law to help me anymore, but I do have another sister in law who is filling in alhamdulillah....May Allah reward her. Let's not forget my step daughters....well my husband's step daughters......They too help me out tremendously and I love them sooooo much for it. May Allah give them the best of this dounia and the akhira!!!!

So as you can see I am busy, but alhamdulillah things are not soap opera worthy. I will say though that usually a week before that time of the month things start to get a little heated. I warned my husband this morning that the week before that time of the month has started so if I ask for a divorce for him to know what is causing it. I swear now I know why Allah does not allow for a woman to divorce and does not allow a man to divorce his wife when she is mensturating. Subhan Allah!!!! Who knows us better than the one who created us???? So keep in tune.....their might just be interesting development this week. lol. Just kidding!!!! May Allah protect us all from fitnah!!!!! AMEEN!