Ok so it's time for me to catch up on some posts. Here is my post with the do's and don't for the wives in a polygamous marriage.
Do's and Dont's for the wives......
1. Try not to compare yourself to your co-wife. Remember that every person has their strengths and their weaknesses. This is a trick from Shaytan to make you doubt your worth. Try to defeat your insecurities and BE SECURE IN YOURSELF. Good men love secure women.
2. Do not try to purposely make your co-wife jealous. It will backfire someday. Remember the saying "What goes around, comes around."
3. Do not criticise her to ANYONE.....Especially your husband. It's enough to mention that it's backbiting and therefore haram.
4. Ask your husband to not discuss their marriage to you and do not inquire into their marriage.
5. If for some reason your husband mentions a "possible divorce" from her.....Do not get your hopes up even if they do divorce. There is a lot of time to make up. Don't forget the 3 months iddah and two times they are able to get back together.
6. Never give or ask your co-wife for advice. This is just plain stupid!!!
7. Do not divulge any intimate details about your husband or about yourself. Again very stupid and haram.
8. Do not put your husband down to your co-wife.
9. Never argue with your husband infront of her.
10. Do not call your hubby when it's not your day unless necessary. "Think of how you would like for her to respect your day." If your hubby needs to talk to you then he can leave and call without her knowing.
11. If all of your Islamic rights are met then NEVER ask for a divorce. He may just give it to you and you might not have meant it....so why even go there? (This is my problem) A lot of us threaten without any intention of leaving and this is haram.
12. Try as much as possible not to let your children see you bitter about their relationship because they may start to have negative feelings towards polygamy in general and that is not good. Convert all your negative energy on positive energy for your kids (easier said then done, I know.)
13. Never ask your hubby questions you may not like the answers to. EXAMPLES: Do you love her more than me? Do you think she's prettier? Do you ever think of her when you're with me?
14. Do not imitate your co-wife in anything except in righteousness and piety. That is of course "If" she is pious.
15. Do not snoop in your husband's phone, bag, messages, mail, pockets, etc. You have no business being in them and you may find something you wished you hadn't.
16. Do not listen in on phone conversations he is having with her. Ask him polietly if he can take it in the other room and if he doesn't then you remove yourself from that position and go somewhere else.
17. Do not forget to ask Allah to make the tests easy on you, to take away any destructive jealousy from you heart, and to bless your marriage and anything else you'd like to add. I personally ask Allah (swt) to make me as beloved to my husband as Aisha (ra) and Khadijah (ra) were to the Prophet (saaw). Can you get it any better than that???
18.Never make du3a against them unless you are truly oppressed. I do not believe in making supplications against anyone. I believe the du3a for guidance is more powerful and beneficial. If you make a du3a against someone who does not deserve it then the du3a may come back to you. I never make du3a that Allah breaks their marriage for example because if it is not deserved then my marriage might break up as a result.
19. If you have the chance to be kind to your co-wife then jump on that chance. This is for the ones who have "normal" co-wives. why not gain reward from being kind to your sister in Islam even if she is not responsive? You can't lose here!!!
20. If you have an intolerable co-wife then repeat "Hasbi Allahu wa ni3mal wakeel."
21. If your co-wife has children make sure that your kids have access to one another. Do not punish any children from the marriage.
22. Try your best to be Patient and accept the Qadr of Allah.
23. Enjoy yourself on your days alone and reflect on the advantages of having these extra days. If there are none then, I'm sorry!!! : (
If any of you would like to add on then please feel free to do so. Jazakum Allahu khairan!!!!