Thursday, September 07, 2006

Last week Lisa asked me if I wanted to meet her for lunch at the mall next to her work, but I happened to be fasting that day so I had to decline and we said we would do it another time. Anyways my sister in law and I were going to be going to that mall today to exchange something so I decided to call Lisa on my way and ask her if she wanted to meet me there. Mind you I am still fasting (making up my days), but I figured I could visit with her anyways. So she meets me there. Our sis-in-law shopped, Lisa ate and I kept her company. The whole ordeal lasted about an hour. Anyways to make a long story short.....I asked my hubby if I could go to the mall to go to this one store and he said yes it was ok but I made a few stops on the way. Silly chicken, got elastic for my other sis in law, and went to get my sis-in-law's plane ticket. Anyways I had only informed my hubby about the mall and he didn't mind the silly stops although I didn't ask him to go but the thing that did irk him the most was my co-wife and I meeting at the mall. He had forbid us from going to the mall not too long ago. Anyways I keep forgetting that we are not "allowed to go there" but alhamdulillah I asked him. He said ok, but apparently Lisa didn't ask him so we both ended up getting in trouble. Man I feel like a kid when I say that. Why did you stay at the mall? why did you ask her to go? She had her own lunch why did you ask her to go to lunch? Aren't you fasting? why the change of plans without informing me? blah...blah...blah.... Anyways he gave it to me and gave it to her, but we are both loud mouths when we need to be so we gave it to him too. We came to the conclusion that the reason that he was upset that we went to the mall is either #1 he is afarid we will divulge information to eachother that will get him in trouble #2 we will spend money or #3 he likes for me and her to not be friends because it boosts his ego to have 2 women fighting over him #4 control issues. I think #2 is the correct conclusion. I hate to tell him everywhere I am going like I am a child. I didn't need a husband to act like my dad. I have a dad already thank you very much. Anyways I am writing this because as soon as we argued with him we could have gotten mad at eachother. I might have assumed that she told him that I was going to places other than the mall to get me in trouble and she might have assumed that I asked her to go to the mall to set her up. Either way we didn't let shaytan play with us and I texted her apologizing if I got her in trouble and she called me to clear up the misunderstanding if one was to arise. Masha Allah we finally figured out the answer to our problem. The answer is to KEEP THE HUSBAND OUT!!!!


peacefulmuslimah said...

Salaam Alaikum Sister Vena,

I had to smile at that last sentence ;-)

I do suspect there are some elements in each of the 4 reasons you suggested. I do find it very strange that you would have to ask permission to go out during the day for errands, shopping, lunch, etc. My husband, who is 10 years older and tends to allign himself with the Salafis, would never expect me to ask permission for everyday activities. The only thing remotely resembling that is when I am going to travel out of the country and I apprise him of my plans by saying "You don't mind if I go... do you?" My husband trusts me implicitly and only cares for my safety, so we discuss measures regarding my personal security and come to an agreement.

I realize that I have more independence than most of my sisters in this regard and I don't suggest that our example is for everyone, but I do think you might want to give some thought to what you need to feel like you are being treated as a loved and respected adult woman.


Anonymous said...


Interesting as always. Loved your list!

Glad that you are figuring it out.

Could you go back to the easier-to-read font? JAK

UmmBadier said...

Asalamu Walaikum,
Note to self:
Exchange right to maintenance for voiding necassity to seek permission to go out.

#2 is #4.

Masha Allah you sisters really seem to be doing well. And if you keep at it, inshallah, #1 won't be an issue.