Wednesday, August 09, 2006
A few days later I cooled down and I decided to write her a letter asking her for forgiveness if I said anything when I was angry about her. She is a Muslim and I did not want to backbite her and cause sins on myself even if she had wronged me. I bought her a gift and tried to be the better person and not let shaytan win over me. I knew this was a test from Allah (swt) or a negative result from disobeying Allah's command to keep non-mahram men away from women. She wasn't very responsive to my letter and this caused me to get upset. Then my mother came to stay with my husband and me for a while and with some pressure from he two of us and support from his mother we tried to convince him that what he did was irrational and impulsive and it was going to ruin our family. After some pushing, he agreed that it may be the best thing to leave her. He fit guilt and didn't know how to do it. When he finally told her that he could no longer be with her she cried, threatened to leave Islam and to kill herself. She accused him of using her. LOL!!!! DUH! He told her that he felt guilt for not being able to support her financially, but she said that she didn't care about the money and that she was willing to work and pay her own bills and that he could help when he is able. When she knew it was too late to change his mind she asked to speak to me. When she came to speak with me and my mom I felt sooooo sorry for her. I am stupid, gullible and naive. We decided that maybe if we tried to be friends then it might work. We decided to try it and see how it goes. Many thoughts came to mind when she came over. I thought of the Companions and how I am no better than them and how doing the right the only way to please Allah (STW). I was afraid that if I forced my husband to divorce her then I would be blamed and eventually he would take her back behind my back. Lisa and I tried to be friends and it was very nice and we got along very well. We started seeing one another more than we saw our husband. We did chores together, cooked together, shopped together, went out and more. But all good things come to an end. When she got her own apartment shaytan started to play with my head. Her apartment in my mind solidified her relationship with him. I was not comfortable with him calling another place home. Shaytan's whispers told me that now it was going to be hard for my husband to divorce....now they can enjoy their privacy, and so on. I felt left out of their lives and I wasn't used to that. I didn't want them to have anything separate from me, if that makes any sense. She was my friend not his....and he was my husband not hers. It was weird being left out.To be completely honest, I am not jealous of her, but I miss my husband. I miss all the little things I took for granted. There are many things that happened between the stories which is too much to write. Anyways our friendship was short lived and now I am struggling with the ups and downs of polygny. So day to day I will vent on this blog and see where I eventually end up.