I forgot to mention that my husband forbid Lisa and I from talking to one another. You all didn't know, but for five months Lisa and I hadn't spoken to one another aside from the time her son's appendix ruptured and I went to go visit him in the hospital. We were civil. My husband loved it that way. He was in less trouble that way.
Anyways recently she babysat my kids when I really needed someone and it gave us a chance to talk. We talked and decided we wanted to try being friends again. He didn't like that idea because she always take things that I say and argues with him about it.Mind you most of it when it gets back to me is out of context. Well when he finally agreed to let us try again....she did it again.
She tells him everything and so he assumes I am this huge blabber mouth. Whatever!!! She told me lots of things that were HUGE that I never even mentioned to him. He made her swear not to tell me something.....and she did.....and he never knew about it until she told him that I knew. And this was something big that I could have gotten upset over, but I didn't tell him because I promised I wouldn't. Anyways I was upset at first because he forbid us from talking, but later I saw his point. I talk to her just like I would talk to any of my friends and maybe that is a mistake. Things are not like before. I am very naive and I guess that is just my nature. You have seen it happen many times over and over on this blog where I set myself up for disappointment.
I did come to the realization though that I am not against polygamy. I do think it has a lot of advantages as opposed to the disadvantages, but you have to have three things.....#1 A reassuring husband #2 Involved father with the children #3 a co-wife who is helpful. I am not saying it is mandatory for her to help me, but it would be a gesture of good faith and kindness. Let's not forget the reward one gets anyways for helping their sister in Islam. But I guess that's just wishful thinking, but I do catch myself sometimes wishing for a third wife who can help me out. lol!!
5 comments:
I don't agree with polygamy for myself, especially after reading your blog, but I think part of your problem is that you don't have any of three things you listed (a reassuring husband, involved father, or a co-wife who is helpful.)
It does have advantages but compared to a stable marriage w/ just one wife, your marriage seems to put you under quite a bit of stress from time to time.
Ofcourse, that can happen in a monogamous marriage too.
I guess it is all up to the partners involved.
I'm glad you're back! I had some great comment for you when I first read this post, but for some reason the comment link was missing. I don't remember now. LOL
as salaamu alaykum, I enjoy reading all of your blogs, in shaa Allaah check out mine at http://hissecondwife.blogspot.com
As one another's family, the cowives can grow together and have more support. As it stands now, it almost sounds like he's putting even more distance there instead of allowing you to strengthen one another.
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