Wednesday, December 05, 2007
All I want to know is.....Will this roller coaster ride ever end???? Ups and downs! Ups and downs! It's neverending! I do not know if I am for or against polygyny. Many days, yes; other days, no! Does that make me a hypocrite? I do not know where I stand most of the time. Am I too emotional? Well I can answer that easily. A lot has happened lately that I haven't had the energy to write about, but I will tell you one of the things that happened recently. Maybe two weeks ago this incident occured. Actually it was thanksgiving day. Ok so the night before thanksgiving was her day and usually he does not go to the person who's day it is until after duhur time which is approximatly noon. Ok so he was at her house thanksgiving morning and he called me to ask me what kind of meat I wanted him to buy from the halal meat store. So we talked andI told him. This was approximatly around noon time so I was expecting him to come home not too long after that.I figured that he would go pray at the masjid at one then come to my house. Thanksgiving day he had no work mind you because the streets were empty. Anyways I went to go visit my mom and was waiting for him there. Then he calls me around two and he's still at her house. I didn't make a big deal. I wanted to see when he came on his own. So during the conversation he mentions that his friend came in from out of town to attend a conference held in our city with his wife. His wife is of the same decent as Lisa and does not speak english well. Whenever this same friend comes into town with his mom (who is arab) he brings them to my house, but when he comes with his wife who is (hispanic) he goes to her house, but it was MY day. MY DAY! Anyways no problem.....I understood and let it be. I even gave him an offer to stay at her house with his friend if he wanted. He told me no that he was going to come home and we would go to the conference together to see his other friend who is a sheikh and is giving a lecture at the conference. I said ok. Well remember I talked to him at 2 well then he called me back at around 4:45 and told me that they all went out to eat and he would be on his way to my mom's house after he drops the meat at my house and that Lisa went with his friend and his wife to the conference because his friend paid for her and insisted she go so she can be a positive influence on his wife. Ok!!!! Great for her! Anyways 6:30 comes around and my hubby FINALLY finished everything. Now the Isha prayer at the masjid is at 7:30 so I told him to pray first then come to my mom's because he would only be able to come for 45 minutes then have to leave again to pray in congregation. HE agreed. All this and I am fine wallahi. I was not mad that it too him till night time to come to my house. I excused it all. I fought shaytan and the urge to remind him of the right to my time. Finally he shows up at 8 and we stay a while and by this time the kids are sooooo tired and we decide to take them home. My aunt also asked us to see if we could find her a charger for her phone. We stopped by walmart and they were closed and he said he would try any gas station to see if they had it. He made the comment after we passed by walmart that he guesses I won't be able to go with him since the kids are tired so I said no I will put them to sleep and he can go. Here is where the misunderstanding begins: He leaves and I am in bed putting the three years old to sleep. An hour passes and he is still not home. My aunt called me to ask me if he found the charger and I told her I don't know. "I will call him and find out," I said. Now it is 11 p.m I call him and ask him where he is. All of a sudden I here him asking someone in arabic where the shiekh is. WHAT???? "Are you at the confrence?" I asked. "He said yes I thought you knew." You have got to be kidding me. This is where the fight starts. He decided that he would go to the conference by himself since the kids were tired and I could not go. When did he assume I was fine with this? When he told me I guess you will not be able to come with me? He meant the conference.....I meant the gas station. By now I am fuming and he hangs up on me. I call and no answer, but when he finally picks up it dawns on me that SHE is there. So I ask him if she is there and he dodges my question trying to get out of answering by telling me she is somewhere around with the wife of his friend and he is with his friend and the sheikh. Then I finally tell him in arabic to not play stupid with me and he hangs up again.....this time no answer when I try to call back over and over again. I am FUMING now!!!! what time does he finally come home on my day???? 2:00 a.m. My day is gone! She had it! He gave it to her. When he came home he got an ear full on how this is not going to work and I want out. Anyways it escelated from there and we got into more talks of divorce and he almost gave it to me this time, but instead he had his friend the shiekh talk to me. The shiekh told me of all the wonderful things that my husband has spoken of about me and all the things that my husband appreciates about me and what I do. He told him things about me that I didn't even know that he noticed. He said he liked what he said so much that he told him that if he wishes he could find him a wife like me. lol. Subhan Allah. If he only knew what he would be getting into ; ) He gave me wonderful advice that day though and Insha Allah I will try to follow them. Maybe in another post I will write his advice. I also spoke to my dad when he was here he opened my eyes to something. I ask for divorce not because I want it, but because I want him not to give it to me. If my husband doesn't give me a divorce then that confirms to me that he wants me in his life. My dad's point though is what if he gets so fed up that he decides divorce is easier for him and he grants me what he thinks I want? What if he divorces me? His point: Don't ask for what you don't want, cause you might just get it. He's right.