Monday, October 22, 2007
I apologize for not posting for such a long time, but things have been so stressful lately. I have had to adjust to having a newborn again and this time with four other kids running around and needing my attention. Well let me briefly fill you all in on what's been happening. Alhamdulillah I safely delivered a beautiful and healthy baby girl. That's now number five as predicted. All the girls love her masha Allah. She was approx. 7 lbs. and born on September 7. She is now 6 weeks old alhamdulillah and overall she is a wonderful baby. She would like for me to never leave her side as would I, but with so many other things to do it's hard to give her my complete attention. If she gets the attention, the other scream for their share so I have been trying to do a balancing job and have been failing miserably, but insha Allah we will all pass this bump and get our lives back on track. Well good news is that my mom now lives with me, bad news is because she has decided to leave her hubby. But for now she is helping me and even with the two of us here it is hard. The kids are growing and are developing their own personalities and some are more difficult then others. I always wonder how much of an influence our situation will have in the development of who they are and who they become. It hasn't been easy and yes a lot of the times I resent my husband for not being here. I resent him for getting his break every other day and I resent the fact that the kids and I are the ones sacrificing the most. We barely see him every other day for a few hours and in those few hours he is not spending the time wisely with us. I have given up hoping that it will be any different. He tries the best he can, but his best is still never good enough. I hate to even say that, but I have to be honest with myself. But there is no sense in thinking things will change I just have to accept it the way it is for now and just try to provide as much stability as I can for these kiddos. Anyways I am sure you are all wondering who's day I had the baby on. lol. Well I had the baby on her day and they were both their as well as my mom in the delivery room. Everyone thought I was crazy for having her there, but I guess it goes with my nature that I really did not want to exclude her from my happy day because I knew it would be a sad day for her. I thought if she is there then she will feel a part of the family and that this moment was not exclusively ours. I know many of you are shaking your heads right now and saying "What the hell is she talking about?" But if you know me then you would know that that is just the type of person I am. call it naive, call it pathetic, call it whatever you want, but that's me. And yes I get burned many times for that, but that is OK because I cannot change my nature. Anyways the down fall of having her be there was that I guess my husband too felt sympathy or guilt for her that he ended up over compensating and gave her more attention than he gave me. But whatever, what's done is done and we talked it over and he sincerely did not even realize that he had made me feel neglected that day. I am OK though. Life goes on, right? I know my husband loves me and I love him and that is all that matters......Being able to talk and express our feelings with each other and be open makes bumps like these smoother alhamdulillah. Anyways that's just a summary for you all for now. I promise to try to write more often now that I am finally finding some time. Thanks to all of you who asked about me and the baby. Jazakum Allah khair!!!