Saturday, January 13, 2007

For many of you this post is going to be a shock as it was for me. Well Safa it looks like polygamy isn't contagious, but pregnancy might be. Subhan Allah!!!! No Lisa is not pregnant, but I am. Looks like # 5 will be on the way insha Allah sometime in September. What a shocker huh??? Who would have thought? Lisa has been trying to get pregnant for over the past four or five months and here I am trying not to get pregnant and WHABOOM! There you have it.

My husband and I have been having problems as usual. This whole polygamy thing is so confusing and emotionally consuming that I didn't know what to do anymore so I did as I always do....I made istikhara. The answer? Pregnant!!!! Hmmmmmmm. Does that mean Allah thinks I should leave him? AHHHHHH......NO! DUH! So here I go again.....Hangin in there insha Allah until I have my next break down, but insha Allah I will keep going. There is nothing wrong with getting weak sometimes. I am human. I am strong sometimes and weak at other times, but the important thing is to redirect myself and look at what I am really here for? What is the bigger picture? What is my purpose? My life is not about me.....My life is about my Islam. I must stay within the straight path and beat this or I will be given something harder. If I am to be called a Muslimah then I WILL face trials and tribulations.....Better my trials then to have someone elses. Alhamdulillah! Alhamdulillah! Alhamdulillah!

You know I grip and complain mainly when I focus on what other people have that I think I should have too, but what is meant for you might not be meant for me. Instead of me focusing on how hard it is having four young kids, I should be thankful because some people would kill to have what I have. Instead of being displeased with having my husband part time, I should be thankful that I at least have my husband. Some women have husbands all to themselves who work out of town and they barely see them, husbands that are home out of work and they wish they would just leave, husbands would pass away and can never get them back and so on. I am truly blessed in every aspect of my life. Even when I get upset about having a co-wife I can always think at least she and I are able to be friends with one another or at least my husband is not commiting zina or with a woman who is truly trying to take him from me. We must always look to those who have less than us if we want to be forever grateful for the bounties Allah has provided us with.

Start today and make a list of those things you can say alhamdulillah for. Post up your list and never forget. We are human.....We forget! Even in the worst possible situation we can find good. Isn' that truly the beauty of Islam? So here I am.... I am going to thank Allah for giving me a new life within me for it is truly a blessing. Thank you Allah for giving me a husband who is happy and content with my pregnancy because it is the decree of Allah. Thank you Allah for my Beautiful kids and step kids. Thank you Allah for my supportive mother and friends. Thank you Allah for Lisa who congratulated me and our husband on the pregnancy and for her offering to bring me anything that I crave any morning before she goes to work and that all I have to do is ask. Alhamdulillah for this blog which allows me to remind myself and others of the things we take for granted that are right before our eyes. Love you all dearly!!! I'll keep you posted more often now that I am plugged back in. Still haven't had time to catch up, but I promise to try to be done soon insha Allah.

33 comments:

Organic-Muslimah said...

mabrook ukhti :)

And now they are five!

Allahu Akbar

Hasnah said...

Just wondering does Lisa have a condition that prevents her from getting pregnant? Is she older than you?

Honorary Arab said...

Mabrook! Draw little faces on your fingertips and make them wiggle around. That's your kids! You've got a "handful" now! :)

I am happy for you. May you continue to break things down to the most simple aspects of life... and "alhumdullah" is the best place to start!

Faith aka Muslim Mommie said...

You have spoken the haqq, wal alhumdullilah. Thanks for the truly beneficial reminder. I needed that.

May Allah reward you and your family with all that is good and make this pregnancy an easy and successful one, AAMEEN.

UmmAbdur-Rahmaan said...

Woo Hoo congrats! Could you please send me some of that baby dust....Safa sent some but I don't think it was enough.....

mizazeez said...

mabrook ukhti. i am so happy for you and may Allah bring you khair from this new addition to your life and bless you with a righteous child who will be comfort to your heart. Ameen.

vena said...

Jazakum Allah khairan for all of the wonderful support in your comments. Umm Abdur rahman My husband says I get pregnant from the wind (an arabic saying). Masha Allah!!! Sister Hasnah no I do not think Lisa has any condition that prevents her from having children. She has one son who is 11 or 12 years old. She went to a doctor who told her maybe because it's been so long since having her son. Does that really make a difference? Anyways she is going to be 28 this month insha Allah so she is only a year and some months older. I am 26. Oh a little something you all don't know. I am 26, but people always think I am 16 or 17, 18 max. They are shocked when they see that I have 4 girls. lol. I always get mistaken for being someone other then their mother.

JamilaLighthouse said...

Mabrook! May Allah make the pregnancy easy for you.

Musleema said...

alf mabrook vena! Alhamduli'lah, never can/should anyone be down about a halal pregnancy. Allah owns the pen and tablet and this life was already meant to be and inshallah good can come from it. Alhamduli'lah, I like people who are optimistic. As Muslims I think that's what it is about: maintaining are hope in Allah in the face of our ibtilaat. Though, my naseeha to you is also try to stay realistic. Problems don't just appear. They develop over time and when left untreated they will without a doubt grow into major issues. There are many ayaat and ahadeeth that I could give regarding the responsibilities of the husband and the wife, but I think you know. Even if you had more than most women in terms material things, not having the emotional things that YOU as an individual need to prosper and stay balanced is asking for trouble. You joke about having another break down, but break downs are nothing to play with. Especially now that you are pregnant, you actually are much more vulnerable to mental instability. Don't look away or try to blink away your problems, don't try to beat yourself up to justify them. A problem is just a problem and everyone has them, true, especially in marriage. But if you don't fix them, they will become too big and consume you. Also with your children, your daughters, for them and their lives, try to work on the issues that are affecting their upbringing, for them now, in their future and their standing before Allah. Khayr, I hope you will be safe, healthy, and happy these next couple of months inshallah.

ummukatheer said...

wa alaikum salaam wa rahmatu Allahi wa barakaatuh vena! u know subhaanAllah i understand exactly what ur going thru,myself i wasnt thinking so much about when the time comes for cw to be pregnant but i was thinking more if it was me that it happened to, how would i cope, esp if i am halfway coping now. Dont want that next breakdown to be crazier than the previous, musleema is absolutely right and we all know it, pregnancy has that effect of us now just focusing on the baby and our health but please try to solve the issues so that your health and sanity is not compromised while you are carrying your child, after the birth, or postpartum. Beleive me it can sneek up on you and you wont know it. Just catch it in time and do like youve been seeming to do, be open and honest with ur dh about whats going on inside of you, and provide solutions not just the problems.

muslima_in_egypt said...

assalam alaikum, mashaa Allah, may Allah bless your new baby. Please sister, take the next months to inform yourself about birth control, we women don't have to pop out one baby after the other, quality,not quantity!! the problems in your marriage will now disappear? your husband will do more than pay the bills all of a sudden? I doubt that he will change at all. and you? another child as a 'single' mum....

UmmAbdur-Rahmaan said...

muslima in egypt----What if she can't take birth control. I can not because I have a blood clotting disorder and I am allergic to everything in the book. So what then? I think a child is great blessing. Allah is the best of planners and who knows better than him. When did Vena become a single Mom? Yes, she has had her issues with Polygyny as most of us, even seemingly good non-polygynous marriages have issues but she is not alone to raise these kids, her husband is still there supporting her and doing the best that he can.

muslima_in_egypt said...

Assalam alaikum, when you read her blog, you will find that she called herself a 'single' mom.

Safa said...

MABROUK, YA VENA!! OMG....what a shocker!! U gotta get urself one of those ticker thingy's, OK? Now that makes, Sakina, ME, ORAU and U......You can join when ur ready, Ummabdur-rahman!! Masha ALLAH!

Amira said...

Mubarak Vena! Congratulations on your pregnancy! insha-allah you will have a wonderful pregnancy and a healthy baby!

PM said...

Salaam Alaikum.

Mabrook for this new baby. Insha'Allah it will be healthy and happy.

The following is not aimed at Vena specifically but is part of a larger discussion:

On another note, though, I actually agree with what Muslimah in Egypt is getting at. There seem to be an awful lot of shaky marriages in which birth control doesn't seem to be a consideration. I have to wonder why that is. Do Muslims not realize that birth control is acceptable? Do they think that children secure a marriage? Having a baby is one of life's most stressful events. It will not repair all the cracks in a marriage but instead the additional stress often proves to much for the foundation and the whole thing collapses.

Best Regards,
PM

Soul Scripture said...

Alf Mabrook sis.
May Allah make the coming months and years easy inshaAllah and grant you the best in all situations.
Ameen

Safa said...

Oh what a good point u make PM........subhanAllah!

Niqaabis said...

As salaamu 'alaikum Sister Vena

Over the last few days I read your blog and I must say its really inspiring ma shaa Allaah. I really like your outlook on life and how you know your real goal is the aakhirah. I'm not married but I just wanted to say, hang in there sis....May Allaah bless your marriage and protect you from harm. Aameen
Take care

Wa salaamu 'alaikum

Queenie said...

vena, i never knew u were so young. 26 and a mom of 4. now number 5 on the way. Congrats.
and u have to deal with polygamy too. gosh when i look back at my own life, at 26 i was too immature to deal with half the stuff that u have to deal with. May Allah reward u for your patience. i like the way u handle your affairs. rather than react out of anger, u try to work things out. that is commendable. and the fact that u and Lisa are friends. that says alot about the type of person u are. u have a high level of imaan. u are an isnpiration for others and a positive role model.

Queenie said...

im curious about the birth control debate. As a muslim, i belive that life comes from Allah. our lives are pre destined. we are not here by accident. the day we will be born, the lives we will live and the day we will die is all predetermined by Allah SWT. so how much of control do we humans have?

how many times do we hear of people falling pregnant , even while on birth control. how many people miscarry? how many babies die in infancy? is this all co incidental?

do we really control births by using birth control? if so, are we playing Allah and interfering with the natural order of things.
this is somthing i have always battled to come to terms with.
i have 4 kids myself. i was on birth control when i fell pregnant for my 2nd daughter.

PM said...

Queenie,

I look at knowledge of birth control as knowledge from Allah. There is nothing in Islam that says you cannot try to control the timing of your children. And while no form of birth control is 100%, I think we all know that to use NONE cretainly increases your chances of falling pregnant.

Salaam Alaikum,
PM

pixie said...

Congrats!

Anonymous said...

Mabrook Vena! I am also happy to see that you/your husband weren't afraid to share the news with your cw even though it may have hurt her a bit since they had been trying for several months now. I'm curious....are they still trying now that you've got one on the way? I've read about cw's that were both pregnant at the same time and delivered within weeks of each other. That would really strap your husband, eh?? :o) Congrats again!

Sr. Salihah said...

Wow mashallah, I know you are in lala land right now! How ironic that you got pregnant! I think this is a message from Allah that maybe you will be getting something better or have something better to come. I always believe that there is a reason things happen when they do, sometime it takes time to see what it is Allah has planned for us and how they turn out to be better than what we planned for ourselves. I don't want to say "hang in there" because you are way past "hanging in there" so I will say may Allah give us all the wisdom and patience that you have, as well as love and understanding. Congrats once again!-Salihah

Muhammad Hidayat said...

Masha Allah! I truely respect you for being so steadfast. May Allah grant you a place in heaven.

If I were you, God knows what'll happen to the kids.

sister in uk said...

Assalamualaikum,
this is my very first blog. So please be kind to me.
I've been reading about sister vena's trials in this life. Subhanallah, what can i say? One thing i can say is this - just hang in there. Believe me Allah (swt), WILL NOT FORSAKE YOU. At the end of the day, we will all return Him (swt). Our love for Allah (swt) should surpass everything, including our children and husbands. Remember how Ibrahim (as) was asked by Allah (swt) to sacrifice his son? He didn't hesitate, why? Because the love for Allah(swt) meant more than the love for his son.
The advice i want to give to you is try and just concentrate on your children and your worship - this will fill the void. If this has been destined for you try and bear it with patience, believe me sister if you don't get the good times in this world, inshallah it will come in the next life. I for one would rather go through all trials in this world. In my heart i have always believed that Allah (swt) is more merciful than we really understand.
I have been through many trials in my life, i have been through many pains and many tears - but my absolute belief in Allah (swt) that one day, one day He (swt) will give me happiness and contentment was the only thing that kept me going, i can even say it was this belief that stopped me from taking my life (i tried so many times to do that, but i kept waking up the next day). I channelled the pain and the tears into undescribable love for Allah(swt), because i knew that every pain and tear was being noticed by my Creator. On the other side of the prison cell of this world - our Lord is waiting for us.
The road to Jannah is not paved with roses, it is surrounded by hardship, we have to prove our worth.
Sister Vena, Allah (swt) knows what you are going through. He (swt) is the best of planners, He (swt) only places on a person the burden that they can bear, no more. This also shows that He (swt) is thinking about us. Had we not gone thorough trials and hardships, would we also remember Him(swt)?

Jannah said...

"The road to Jannah is not paved with roses, it is surrounded by hardship, we have to prove our worth. "

Sister in Uk, that is so true. The hardship comes to all of us but in different ways , some are tested with polygyny, some with loss, some with knowledge, some with power... and so on.

I pray we all hang on, be patient, and live our life for Allah only, it's then only that every other person in the world won't matter. Subhan Allah, this is SO easier said than done!

sister in uk said...

The way i personally got closer to Allah (swt) was first by not caring about anyone in this world. Literally, not even my own family. Everyone around me was so consumed with materialism, and that really really bugged me. I hated going to events such as weddings etc were there was free mixing and i used to cringe. I would just sit in a little corner until the torture was over, and used to think 'you silly people'. You are doing all this in front of Allah (swt) are you not ashamed?
Sister Jannah, do you sometimes feel that the muslimah is tested even more? 'Paradise lies at the feet of your mother' (i don't know if this is a hadith or saying please do correct me) sums it up for me. A mother goes through so many sleepless nights, worries and anxiety. But then, look at the end result - something beyond our comprehension.

Safa said...

awwwww Vena.....I'm missing you.....

shahly said...

Dear Sister Vena,

May Allah shower you and your family with His infinite bounties, envelop you in His Mercy, ease your difficulties in this temporary world, grant you the best of rewards in the hereafter and keep you steadfast on His path always.

Lots of love,
your sister in Islam,
Shaheda

Muslim Flower said...

Salam alaikum sister thank Allah you can have children and your husband accepts it. Salam alaikum May Allah bless your whole family.

Anonymous said...

Just remember our purpose here is to know, worship, and serve Allah, however you feel you can best do that. One way of fulfilling that purpose though, is creating a stable, loving home for your children. If you feel you can do that better without your husband, so be it. He is only with you part time as it is, would being divorced be any different?

Junam