My husband and I fought last night because I told him that if he and my co-wife have a child then I will probably pack my bags and leave. I know a lot of you are thinking that this is wrong, but you just don't understand how screwed up all of our kids are. We have 8 kids between the two of us. Alhamdulillah mine aren't completely screwed up yet, but if things continue the way that they are my kids will follow.
Shouldn't a man take care of his responsibilities before he goes and adds more to them? The fight started when he told me that just as I have the right to have a child....so does she. No one is arguing with that, but he cannot take care of anymore kids. He barely takes care of the ones he has now. The first four are lost subhan Allah. Just so you have a glimpse of what he has on his plate.....he has 4 kids 2 who have been out of school for 4 years who are now 15 and 16. The 12 and 11 year old have been out for 1 & 1/2 years and a year prior to that. The older ones play mommy at home to the boys and the all the boys do is watch TV and play on the computer all day or they get bored. One boy is overweight and one boy is ADHD and has special needs and hasn't been on his meds in a year and a half (this is a huuuuuuge subject we won't even go there). That is not the half of it. Anyways then you have my kids.....They have a warpped idea of marriage and they barely see my husband or spend any quality time with him. This is not even touching the base of the kids problems and trust me that I wouldn't be exaggerating it either, but I do not want to backbite or hurt anyone's feelings by giving any more details should they run across this blog one day.
Anyways then my husband has the nerve to say that it is her right. Well I wanted to scream and maybe I even did scream "STOP MAKING BABIES YOU CAN'T TAKE CARE OF!!!" I am tired of this. Does he want a bunch of children just so he can say he has a lot of kids or does he want to have quality kids who contribute to society and to Islam? Won't he be responsible for the people his kids become due to the way they were raised? Trust me he will have a lot to answer to.
Fathers play a very important role in their childrens' lives. All you men need to STEP UP!!!! If you can't take care of the responsibilities you have now then stop adding more for your own selfish desires. It's not fair!!!! Am I unreasonable for saying this? Is it really just the responsibilty of the mothers to take care of the kids and raise them? Are men only there for financial support? How involved were fathers during the time of the Prophet (saaw)? My mom made me feel bad when I told her. She said that men are not there to raise the kids and that's what the mother is for. She said do you want the men to go out and work all day then come home and raise the kids too? I know my mom is a sensible person so was she right? Should I stop bugging my husband about his involvment with the children? Were we just brainwashed in these times to believe that men play a greater role than they actually do in the lives of the kids? If a mother is an adequate mother is that enough? I don't know. I am confused.
But of course I blew the whole thing out of proportion and again asked my husband if maybe we would be better off apart to which he laughed. He laughed because he knew that this is the week before that time of the month and this is the time I usually ask him for a divorce. Weird!!!! How can I stop doing that? Do you think I will be accountable for that? Sometimes I really can't help it. Isn't that the wisdom behind women not being able to get divorces as easily and the reason why men cannot get a divorce from their wives when they are on their menses? Subhan Allah how complete this religion truly is!!!!!