Friday, August 11, 2006
Today was the perfect example of how Shaytan is on my back and won't leave me alone. He will not be happy until my husband and I are divorced. A3uthoo billahi minal shaytan ilrajeem. Last night I was reading in my new book From Monogamy to Polygny and it was really inspiring to me. Although I only read the first chapter, it really motivated me to be a better wife and co-wife. This morning I picked up my husband to take him to the masjid he was going to be giving the jum3a khutbah at and then I was going to another masjid so I can attend my childrens' school's open house. The plan was that he would have someone drive him to the open house once he was done with salatul Jum3a and then we would go somewhere with the kids and his sister and spend some time together before he would have to go to work (he works nights now). I was so excited about just being with him and having a good time. Anyways before we took off with his sister and the kids to go to eat I asked him to stop by the Darusalam book store so I may get something. I decided to do a good deed to take away from my bad deeds (may Allah accept it from me) and buy Lisa the book so she may benefit from it as well. I gave him the book to give to her and we were on our way. Subhan Allah right as we were turning onto the street that the resturant was on a policewoman stopped us. She saw me with my niqab and him with his looooong beard and did a double take then followed us and pulled us over. We read many du3as hoping she would go away, but she didn't. When she stopped she asked for my husband's license and insurance. He had his license, but no insurance. OH OH!!!!! He got three tickets....One for a break light being out (He knew about it and didn't tell me), two for an expired inspection sticker (he forgot to get it done), and three for the insurance. The insurance was my fault according to him and it was the cause for a huuuuuuuuuge blow up. I regularly clean out my car and I don't know if I did or not, but supposedly I threw away the insurance paper. We didn't have insurance coverage because my husband gets it just so we can get the registration and then cancels the insurance. He said that even though the insurance was cancelled it says that it is covered until august on that paper that I supposedly got rid of. He knew the paper wasn't there and wallahi I don't remember doing anything with it, but it was all my fault all of a sudden. Anyways shaytan worked on him until he got to me. We screamed at one another like lunatics infront of the kids ( I feels o horrible about that) and infront of his sister. The day was ruined by him canceling our outing, I left him and the four girls and my sis-in-law and went walking to the nearest masjid. They looked for me all over the place, and then I got a friend of mine to finally take me home three hours later when he left for work. What a terrible end to a day which should have been special. You know what the best part of the day was that I had completely forgotten about???? It was today's khutbah. Too bad that when the fighting started the khutbah floated from my mind. It was about Qiyam il layl and asking from Allah with du3a. At the end of the khutbah the imam reminded us to make du3a for the son of a very precious friend of mine. A couple of weeks ago this sister found out that the eldest of her four children has cancer. Her son is 15 years old and he is suffering terribly from what I hear. They are not able to give him pain killers because they contain blood thinners and the medicine they are able to give him puts him to sleep and when he is not on the medication he twitches from pain all over his body. YA ALLAH!!! This all came without warning and it may be more serious than anyone expected. She is always saying alhamdulillah, but I am sure it is killing her to see her baby in so much pain. It makes my cry just thinking about it. I keep picturing one of my beautiful daughters going through this and I wonder.....Do I really want to trade my tests for this one? We will all be tested, but am I really ready to be tested through one of my children? NEVER. Being tested through my husband will be a piece of cake compared to that. May Allah not test me through my children. Ameen. I am scared to death of this, but if it happens then it is Qadr Allah and I will have to face it with strength, but to picture it is unbearable. It makes me feel ungrateful when my husband and I fight about such petty things such as the insurance. I should have just let him vent and kept quiet, but I didn't and shaytan won over me. I guess we were both losers. May Allah forgive us.