Wednesday, August 23, 2006
Subhan Allah!!!! Who would have thought my day would end like this??? Lisa and I are friends again walhamdulillah. Shocked??? The Imam arranged for the two of us to discuss our issues and that's exactly what we did. To make a long story short....In a period of several hours we discussed our anger, our hurt, our fears, our misunderstandings, our differences and much more. We came to the conclusion that we were better as friends than as enemies. It take too much energy to hate someone especially when you really like the person. I realized that the two of us have many insecurities and many fears. I asked her questions I thought I wanted the answer to, but the problem was that no answer was going to be good enough. I just have to let it go. That is my goal.....just to let the past be in the past. The fact is that we have a wonderful husband and if he wasn't so wonderful the two of us wouldn't be putting up with this crap. I need to focus and look at the people that have less than me and appreciate what it is that I have. To be honest with you, I have many friends who are the ONLY wives and they see their husband less than we do. We are very blessed alhamdulillah. To be honest with you again, I don't think I would truly want my husband full-time. He was very hard to deal with when I was the only wife. And to be honest with you one more time, I just wanted to punish him by leaving, but in truth I would be punishing myself and my kids more. I love my husband soooooo much and it's time I got my act together and start doing what's right. I felt so shy when Lisa was telling me that I am the reason why she started praying and that I am the one who taught her the religion and I was the one who did this and that. It made me feel ashamed of myself for the way I acted, but she understood why I did. She knew she couldn't handle it if it had happened to her. I thought to myself.....If it took her being with my husband for her to be a practicing Muslimah then why not??? Yes I am hurt by what they did, but time will never go back and it's finished. It's time to deal and at least all of the things she said she would never do.....she did. Masha Allah I am impressed by what a wonderful muslimah she has become. You should have seen her when she came to my house exactly a year ago to the day (the day her hisband left her was exactly a year from today). She was a different person....I almost gave up talking to her about hijab, but alhamdulillah she wore it and now she wears niqab and wears it proudly (even to work). Wallahi she has noor in her face, but my jealousy blinded me. A3uthoo billahi minal shaytan ilrajeem. I know she loves me and my kids. Last night we were so blunt and honest. We laughed and she cried and we got mad and made jokes. It was a really nice time. We talked for hours and didn't even realize the time flew by so fast. We decided that I delt with their marriage backwards. I forgave them and then I vented when infact I should have vented and then forgave them. We realized that we had to learn from trial and error and that this experience is new for the three of us and that we made mistakes and we will learn from them. We will keep making mistakes, but the whole point is to stick through it. Insha Allah I hope Allah makes it easy for all of us. We will take our friendship slowly and let it progress and then we will see what will happen insha Allah.