Saturday, August 12, 2006

By the way....Does it make a difference to know that my husband is 13 years older than me and 12 years older than Lisa???

7 comments:

Safa said...

I think it does......

peacefulmuslimah said...

I suspect he might like young women because he feels he has an easier time exerting influence and control. However, you can't always be sure. Mizazeez hubby is a bit older than her but she is unually mature for her age I think and in some ways probably an "old soul".

I think what is sometimes more an issue is the age at which you married. I notice that a lot of men like to marry a very young girl (in her teens) because they feel it is easier to shape and mold her to their liking.

Sis Safa, weren't you under 20 when you married? Do you feel it has a bearing on the way your husband has dealt with you?

I'm an old fart (48!) but still almost 12 years younger than Mr. PM2 (who is an even older fart!) LOL!

Salaam Alaikum,
PM

Safa said...

I was 18 when I was married, hubby just 24.......he indeed did shape me to what he liked....basically raised me in many ways......we both did together, I guess. My hubby was super strict with me in the beginning....since then he has lightened up.......when he married Ms Morrocan Magic, he told me that he asked for different things from her than me. Because she was older....(so was he, of course)....and he said she was already "made". I think many arab men like a degree of control over their women.......
Which in itself isn't a bad thing.....I suppose it works both ways.....we just want our lives to fall into patterns that we can depend on.......so we know what to expect......not that it always works.....ho hum....

48 isn't really an old fart......more like a spring chicken....!!

mizazeez said...

awww PM...you think i'm an "old soul"? i've actually heard that quite a lot masha'Allah.

as far as the age thing, my husband is 15 years older than me subhanAllah. he actually wasn't that siked about marrying someone so young, but because he had an idea of my personality and felt like i was mature for my age, he gave me a chance. so yeah, hubby wasn't in it for the control/molding benefits. but then again i have heard of brothers that are in it for this reason. guess it depends on the person.

Musleema said...

I've been married 7 years to my husband. I got married at 18 too and my husband who is Arab too is 10 years older than me. I think what helped my marriage most in the earlier years was that my family was active in our lives. If there was discord, I was able to have them step in and help make sure my opinion wasn't lose in the matter. Vena were you raised Muslim? Are your parents involved in your marriage?

UmmAbdur-Rahmaan said...

See my co-wife is the same age as my husband. But my husband is 9 1/2 years older than me. But funnier is that my Father in laws 2nd wife is the same age as my husband.

Our Rewards Await Us said...

my hubby is 8 years older than me...the cw is a year older than him....he's made those same comments that things (like learning about Islam or accepting polygyny) are harder for her than it was for me because she's older...I was 22 when I met my hubby and he took me straight out of my mom's home...where the cw had lived on her own since she was 22 until she was 34....so he has been able to "mold" me and have more control with me than her. He gives her more excuses than he will me....and he says that I shouldn't compare myself to her with respect to things that he asks us to do because she's not like me...I often asked him, "Why doesn't she have to do such-and-such but I do?" He always answered with the "stop comparing yourself to her...she's not like you."