Alhamdulillah! Alhamdulillah! Alhamdulillah!!!!! This morning I feel such a rush of empowerment. YA ALLAH.....What a feeling!!! I love it. The reason I feel sooooooo good masha Allah is because I did not let shaytan provoke me this morning and last night.
Last night masha Allah my husband was being so sweet. He came home in the morning after working night shift and went straight to bed. I let him sleep till about 4:00 p.m., woke him up to pray, then fed him and then it was time for him to go to the next prayer. When he came back he found me, his sister and the kids dressed and ready to go anywhere. For some reason when we go out I feel that I am spending more time with him. He was being soooo sweet complimenting my new hijab and looking online with me and then asked me where I would like to go. I didn't know where we could go considering just about everything was closed due to it being after 6:00 p.m. on a Sunday, but I told him that I didn't really care where we went as long as we were together. Even the car ride was enough for me. In the car I read to him the part in the book about jealousy and how it causes the "emotional highs" and then the lows and I explained to him that I think that this is part of the reason why I can't make up my mind about Lisa. I told him that some days I am fine and others I am not. He said that he knew that I was always sincere with her and that he understands. My husband masha Allah always compliments me by telling me what a nice person I am. He sometimes says that I am like a kid.....meaning almost too nice or maybe he meant naive. lol. Whatever, he still said it as a compliment. So anyways getting to the part where I controlled my emotions was when we went to a store aclled Jerusalem. He went inside to get something and when he came out he was standing at the doorway of the store (where I can see him) and it was obvious he was fighting with her. I could tell by the way he was standing and the way he was gesturing. That's a wife's intuition thingy. So he is standing there fighting with her a long time and I didn't let it get to me (self control). He came in the car and was visibly upset and it felt as if he wanted me to ask what happened, but I fought my urges and told myself it was between them and none of my business and just left it at that (another self control). So this time I didn't get involved in his marriage to her and I didn't get mad that he was spending time fighting with her on my time. lol. This is a step in the right direction right??
Last night I had a feeling as to what the fight was about. She works days and recently my husband has been pushed in the corner to work nights. So she goes to work from 9:30 a.m. to 5:30 p.m. and then he goes to work from 6 or 7 p.m. to 6 or 7 a.m. so that leaves them with very few hours to be together every other day. Anyways and in the time she is at work on her days he sometimes comes over here if he is not working so he can get to see the kiddos. Well this schedule is really irritating her (not that I care too much), but I understand where she is coming from because if it was me I would be pissed too. Alhamdulillah it's not me! She was already pissed last night that he spent the whole day with me and only half a day with her.....The reason for that is because Sundays are not busy and his boss is trying to screw him over. This morning she calls him and I knew she planned to pick him up before she went to work to take him to her apartment so he doesn't spend more time with me. She probably complained to him that it's not fair and blah..blah..blah.. so he got dressed and didn't tell me anything, but I knew what was about to happen. I didn't open my mouth to fight with him although normally I would. Sometimes I try to give my husband a hard time on purpose so he sees how difficult it is to have 2 women. Yes I know that's wrong!!!
Anyways I am getting off track. So he is ready to leave and she comes to get him and he goes although she had once told me that when she starts working she didn't mind him being with me while she's at work. She told me that she wouldn't trap him in her apartment alone when he could be spending time with us. I guess when we had our fall-out that changed things a bit.
No big deal. Some of my friends were coming over today anyways so it helped me out a bit because if he was here our plan would have had to change. lol. I am going to get to see him anyways because I am going to the grocery store with him that's next to their apartment so we can go and do some shopping. lol. So what I have to say is Alhamdulillah! Alhamdulillah! Alhamdulillah! I feel so happy that I was able to fight off shaytan and I know that this means he will try harder the next time, but insha Allah I will keep preparing myself for that so I can fight him off even stronger.