Sunday, August 05, 2007
I wonder if I am going to have the baby on my day or hers!!! lol. I wonder if she is going to be considerate enough to give up some of her days or if they will just depend on my friends and family being there with me to take care of me. I wonder if she will offer to help me without me having to ask. I wonder if my husband will be considerate enough to know that I will need him at this time and that no family member will replace his being there and not just every other day. This event is really going to show me a lot of things. I am curious as to how it will all turn out. I guess I will just have to wait and see and stop wondering.
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Assalamualaikum dear sister,
it only seems like yesterday you gave us the news that you were expecting!!
Pray that Allah has kept you in the best of health.
Just curious as to the news with Lisa - is she expecting too? Have you been getting the help you needed throughout the pregnancy?
Just take each day as it comes and count the blessings within it. Leave the rest to Allah the Almighty.
Walaikumsalam
hhhmm i wonder what the advice from the sunnah is for when one wife is having a baby???
Asalamalaykom Sweetheart,
That was real. I felt it. You are feeling very human and showing it. Pregnancy will do that to you.
Inshahallah, they will show kindness.
If they do not, then at least they showed the truth.
Just like you just showed the truth of your life.
Wallahi, I love you, Girl. You are strongest when you admit you are weak.
Maryam, the blessed mother of Isa/Jesus (ra & pbuh), was alone and in need during her delivery. She was given water and dates in a miracle from Allah. When you need a visualization during labor and delivery, picture her against the tree getting Allah's blessings each wave of pain that surged through her.
May Allah make it easy on you too. That is The One you really need the most---even if no one is with you it is better than if you had them both, but you didn't have Allah.
You are at your most vulnerable. Stay strong in your spirit, my dear one. The future is too much for you. Just deal with NOW and breath in the peace of Allah to help calm you. Allah knows how this all pans out and Allah is never going to give you more than you can handle.
Remember to make du'a during labor! Get your list going!
As salam aleikom dear sister,
I have been following your blog and it has really been helpful for me, may Allah reward you and make your way to Jennah easy, amiin!
I´m going to have a co-wife soon in sha Allah but the diffrent thing is that it was upon me to decide about it. I hope it will turn out kheir.
I really hope and pray that your husband and Lisa will understand that you need help and support now and that she offers some of her days for you and the new baby.
Love and Salam from a sister in Sweden
I just found your blog and have been reading your archives. Congratulations on your baby! If he is a real man he will be there when you have his baby. You shouldn't have to ask her permission in order for your husband to be there for the birth of the baby that he helped make.
One thing I have to ask. You said that Lisa should not have a baby because he should not be bringing more children into the world that he's not helping take care of. So why are you having one? Just playing devil's advocate.
I cried when I read HA's comment. I was so prepared to have my own child on my own....subhanAllah. But Allah gave me 20 days. And you know what, Vena? I wasn't that thankful for it. I felt that hubby should have stayed with me longer.....
And now I read you.....and you are asking for so much less.....and I feel selfish about myself. SubhanAllah.
My advice about all your wonderings? Don't ask him anything.....just let it it all pass and OPEN your eyes....see what he is going to do on his own. And when push comes to shove, then SAY SOMETHING! Can you do that?
Is Lisa really your friend? Well, you'll find out. But I'll tell you something.....she loves herself more than she ever loved you. She proved that when she agreed to marry YOUR husband in secret.
Asalaam alaikum,
InshaAllah he will be there for you all that you need him to be.
And Safa, for crying out loud, you are not selfish, your husband was living halfway across the world. She may be asking for so much less but she gets more of her husband every week. Please don't beat yourself up. You deserve all the time that both of you ask for.
assallamu alaikum sister,
I pray all goes well with the delivery!
Lots of love from Ireland.
Assalaamu alaikum Vena,
I too had all those "wonders" in my head at the beginning of my pregnancy.....but by the will of Allah I never found out how it would have played out since they got divorced before the baby came. I'm sure I would have been disappointed though because even as things are how they are now, I still feel slighted by my husband when he comes home (from doing something important like exercising at the gym or looking at electronics at the store) and complains because I didn't dust the furniture like he asked me to. His priorities and mine just aren't in sync. Dusting the house is one of the last things I felt like doing after having a baby by c-section.
In case you haven't been by my blog, go check it out. My little one is on there. :o)
Oh man what a thing to wonder. I am sure that even the biggest meanest biotch of a woman would be willing to give up her day for a birth. I do not think Lisa is any of those I see her as being kind so why wouldn't she be willing. I am sure that Hubby will also be right there...I think that if Lisa tried to prevent him he would come anyway...Just my opinion Insha'Allah it turns out exactly the way you want it to.
Long time, no post. I wonder if you had the baby. I hope all is well. :)
as Salamu 3alaykum wa ra7matullahi wa barakatuh sister. it's not relevant to your any post of you blog so you don't need to publish it here. if you want to reply me you may do so at musaafeer@aol.com
I was just wondering if u r the same sister who commented on Nisaa forums on surur's writing about polygyny, namingly the story of ayesha, later asked for apology. I actually wanted to comment on the forum, but it says, "comments are not allowed for this weblog entry". So i decided to write this here if you are the same vena.
this is the link and the first comment I’m talking about http://nisaa.ca/featurearticles/comments/a_true_story_about_polygamy
I was surprised why did u have to ask for apology. did u read her other writings on many other issues on her blog? and even in one of the comments of same article where she says, "Now when Jews and Christians say that their religions profess monogamy they are talking about the ‘current’ state of religion. Unfortunately Islam is stagnant. Muslims are too weak and too scared to progress and by progress I don’t mean ‘digress’ but keep on reforming humanity according to needs of current time. The West banned slavery and thereby concubinage. Why didn’t Muslims do that?"
She continues, "My mind does not accept that polygamy was meant to stay. When I say I’m not in favour of polygamy, I say that I don’t agree with it today. I’m not blasphemous to say that polygamy practiced in early Islam was wrong, astagfirAllah. But I’m against it now, in today’s time."
She seeks to ban polygyny for today's world or make it unlawful if u like to call it; she clearsly says, "My mind does not accept that polygamy was meant to stay" then she later says, "Oh and btw, I’m not an Islamic scholar and have only been researching on polygamy for a year."
I don't know what to call this. seeking to make unlawful what Allah made lawful or vice versa is kufr. I am not making takfir on her nor do i want to. it's up to Allah.
Finally she gives reference to a website of Rashad khalifa misri Here is a link that might interest you if you haven’t read it already. It is the most PC but not necessarily the best:
http://www.submission.org/women/care.html
This guy claimed to be the new messenger. read about it; here is the link http://www.submission.org/messenger/
if she is quoting a person who claims to be a Rasool (messenger), I’m sorry, but this tells me that she's after anything that supports her stand no matter how legitimate it is.
So if you were the same vena and wrote the first comment, then if i were you i wouldnt appologize. you didnt call her out of Islam, but certainly you got the right to doubt. if you read her blog http://achelois.wordpress.com/ you will see what i am taking about.
I just wanted to point this out. if there was a way i could post there i would have done so. if you think you would want to post this on the forum, feel free to do so. jazakumullahu khayr. wa as salamu 3alaykum wa ra7matullah.
as salamu 3alaykum wa ra7matullahi wa baraktuh. I'm sorry sister; i didnt know it'll be posted right away. I thought you have to approve it first. I didnt mean to post something not relvant to your post. I apologize for the annoyance of all the readers of your blog. I sincerely am sorry. you can delete the post, sister. wa as salamu 3alaykum wa ra7matullah.
Well im sure he can spare some time away from his other wife to be present at the birth. Its not exactly much to ask. Infact, it should be assumed!
Where are you Vena?
Masha Allah, You are an example to me. In patience and endurance. Through your struggles, i looked at mine.
I wish you all the best with the baby, and Insha Allah she will come on a good day, a blessed day.
Hello Vena, I am not muslim, but I have been following your blog a lot and I really enjoy reading it and me and my Boo sit and talk about it all the time.. hon, you baby is blessed to have a mother like you. No matter who is there or who is not there, to have a mother like you and someone that is as faithful in her faith as you is all it needs. But I know HE will be there...
Vena, I'm going to make the opposite suggestion here... you seem to get along well w/ your co-wife, and there doesn't seem to be competition or vendictive/manipulative behaviour on either side. it seems you are both trying to be fair and courteous of each other's rights. So in that case, maybe you should discuss what you would like from your husband when the baby arrives, with him and the co-wife. What if your husband is one of those clueless guys who can't anticipate what you need. And your co-wife just doesn't think of it b/c she doesn't have children yet and doesn't understand the enormity of having a newborn (especially if you are really good w/ kids and make it look easy). Rather than set yourself up to possibly be hurt on such an important occassion (which u would never forget/forgive), this could be an opportunity to bring you all closer together.
So I DON'T suggest you wait and see.... but whatever you decide, good luck! I'm 32 weeks pg w/ my 2nd and am nervous as well about who will help, and how much DH will be around.
How the hell can you be friends with someone who married your husband in secret???
aslamu alakum vena
you will be in my duas sister , may allah grant you sabr and hikma sister and may dh be around for you when u need him , never easy when sharing but i pray allah replace his abcence with something better ameen, Ukti fi ilah
Ramadan Kareem Vena,
Please update when you have a moment. All of us would have increased peace of mind to know that you are alright. May this Ramadan bring you both connection and clarity.
when did the Rasool ever marry another in secret? When did Ali (ra) ever marry someone in secret after Fatimah (ra) died? how is this not haram and why would anyone even allow it? it makes no logical sence. marriage is commaned to be annouced to the community so that people know who is off limits. I have never seen a story about the Rasool telling his wives at the last minute or after the fact that he got married.
when you're right with Allah SWT you don't feel the need p do any thing in the dark. Darkness is for hinding the haram in ones heart and actions..
I wish you the best because this mess you're in can be stressful as hell.
I pray that your pregnancy went well and that you deliver a healthy child. This is a stressful situation that you are in and I hope you are able to keep your sanity. Please update us because many are worried about you.
You shouldnt have to hope wether or not your hubby will be there. He SHOULD BE THERE no matter what. I dont care if its your day or not.
This situation is ridiculous. You are still young and can find a great man later on in life so please get out of this situation while you still can.
P.S I hope you deliver a healthy baby.
Oh Vena, come back and tell us how you are! I've read your blog from start to finish and grown to respect and care about you immensely. Your strength of character, your generosity of spirit, your righteousness and your deep inner beauty are inspiring, engaging, and humbling. Are you all right? Are all of your children - especially the newborn - all right? No doubt you're busy with them all, but please come back and tell us how you are. Good, bad, or ugly, we love you, dear, and we want to offer whatever support our words can.
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