tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32207826.post5783436498456402358..comments2019-11-12T06:08:59.908-06:00Comments on Thoughts of a First Wife: furious!!!Venahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15011130955742407024noreply@blogger.comBlogger31125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32207826.post-72126463711501623422012-07-20T14:34:53.433-06:002012-07-20T14:34:53.433-06:00I know i'm late commenting on the subject but ...I know i'm late commenting on the subject but I will state my opinion. It is unfair for wives to be forced into polygamous marriages by their husbands. By force I dont mean physical threat, I mean secretly marrying then surprising the 1st wife with the marriage, or suddenly telling the wife your going to be married and she basically has to deal with it. Unfortunately a lot of the times Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32207826.post-20673361367746407582009-09-24T02:33:30.046-06:002009-09-24T02:33:30.046-06:00Oh my God, you need at "permission" from...Oh my God, you need at "permission" from your husband to leave the house? That´s oppression... srry that is. The profet said that the best believer its the one who treats women with respect, and what you are describing is not respect.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32207826.post-13121242815838489122008-08-17T14:03:00.000-06:002008-08-17T14:03:00.000-06:00As Salaamu Alaikum,I'm in a polygamous marriage, a...As Salaamu Alaikum,<BR/>I'm in a polygamous marriage, a first wife. It has been extremely painful and difficult for me as well. I contemplated divorce. However, after giving it much thought, no, I am not going to give her the satisfaction of having him and winning. I am going to be the winner as I will not only have the husband that Allah chose for me; however, I will be victorious over satan. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32207826.post-58753946514135907652008-07-09T18:43:00.000-06:002008-07-09T18:43:00.000-06:00SubhanAllah all these people passing judgement on ...SubhanAllah all these people passing judgement on a man they don't know - or know only through the venting of his wife! I don't doubt the pain you're going through vena but I have to say the behaviour you've described - of everyone involved - is just juvenile. I feel for the poor kids who have to grow up through all this. May God help us all.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32207826.post-50505108105179052732008-07-08T10:55:00.000-06:002008-07-08T10:55:00.000-06:00Assalam O Alaikum, Vena I was wondering if you don...Assalam O Alaikum, <BR/><BR/>Vena I was wondering if you don't work then how do you manage to pay your bills? One thing I learn from all of the women who are in P marriage to have strong faith. Alhumdolilah. You guys have really strong faith. I wish I could be like of you.Seemahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17115194409471214930noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32207826.post-51315920031944845922008-07-08T07:47:00.000-06:002008-07-08T07:47:00.000-06:00I like anonymous's comment about nagging. Great p...I like anonymous's comment about nagging. Great perception....<BR/><BR/>Ohhhh...and some good points about minimizing contact and control. Very good. Are you reading these Vena?<BR/><BR/>I agree that you have to talk to him about permissions....get that out of the way....(don't ask him, TELL HIM!) And just let him be...see where he goes on his own.<BR/><BR/>And another thing....I know that Safahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03753208969449031396noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32207826.post-27153605537070585262008-07-07T11:57:00.000-06:002008-07-07T11:57:00.000-06:00Please keep posting. We love you dearly and worry...Please keep posting. We love you dearly and worry about you. Let us know where you are at- even if you aren't proud of it.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32207826.post-57200221095695698542008-07-04T22:59:00.000-06:002008-07-04T22:59:00.000-06:00Assalamu `alaykum sis,Just a couple of points.You ...Assalamu `alaykum sis,<BR/>Just a couple of points.<BR/><BR/>You are in "separation probation". Take advantage of this time. Take advantage to go and "feel like" what would be to be alone. Try not to "chase" him.<BR/><BR/>Now if you're separated, then there should be no need of asking him permission to go out, etc. Think of yourself as a "temporarily divorced" woman and see how you do.<BR/><BR/>Caminantehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16880064816086839405noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32207826.post-33969442126153351762008-07-04T15:52:00.000-06:002008-07-04T15:52:00.000-06:00You cannot choose how people treat you....but you ...You cannot choose how people treat you....but you can choose how you react to that treatment. Your husband seems to be a temp kind of guy...temporary husband till he finds something different...temporary dad till he makes some new babies...nothing in life is final except death...but we shouldnt treat everything as temporary either.He doesnt deserve his children from either marriage and God Coolred38https://www.blogger.com/profile/07502256532402473484noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32207826.post-35803482303137103572008-07-04T05:13:00.000-06:002008-07-04T05:13:00.000-06:00A.A. uktiI can only imagine the pain your going th...A.A. ukti<BR/>I can only imagine the pain your going through...<BR/><BR/>I hope ALLAH eases your pain and punishes the man you call your husband, he has no right to treat you the way he does, ALLAH is all knowing and will question him on this matter of having to wives and whether he treated them both equally on the day of judgement.<BR/><BR/>So do not freat and have your faith in ALLAH always, doMinahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01572622338068669549noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32207826.post-32763488566774395652008-07-04T01:49:00.000-06:002008-07-04T01:49:00.000-06:00Vena, I feel for you. Hope you can use this time t...Vena, I feel for you. Hope you can use this time to turn to prayer. Don't let your anger distract you from that, but use it to put even more power into your plea<BR/>You know that God hears the broken-hearted best. Hand over your affairs to Him for Him to rectify.<BR/>Love3rd...https://www.blogger.com/profile/13719722967344319274noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32207826.post-60617094176238666642008-07-03T10:28:00.000-06:002008-07-03T10:28:00.000-06:00Good God Anonymous! What the hell kind of "advice"...Good God Anonymous! What the hell kind of "advice" is that? "Men don't like naggers"???? <BR/><BR/>Oh let me guess: you're a man! LOL!PMhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06039810429646916382noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32207826.post-8430505126119766782008-07-03T03:10:00.000-06:002008-07-03T03:10:00.000-06:00As-Salaamu alaikum First, I want to hug you. You'r...As-Salaamu alaikum <BR/><BR/>First, I want to hug you. You're a good woman, who's in a rough spot, and you're hanging in there. That's terrific. Don't ever think otherwise.<BR/><BR/>Second, I want to tell you that this next year is going to be hard. <BR/><BR/>Thirdly, I want to encourage you to NOT text him. Let him come to you, to the kids. Let him figure out his relationship with them, on Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32207826.post-78475253865254044502008-07-02T19:55:00.000-06:002008-07-02T19:55:00.000-06:00Asalamalaykom Sister V.,I used to be so upset at t...Asalamalaykom Sister V.,<BR/><BR/>I used to be so upset at the lousy parenting from the kids' dads (I do hate the plural of the last noun, but it's the way it is). <BR/><BR/>My mother then wisely said to me, "It happens all the time, so why are you so surprised? Seems like you are the one who needs to change your behavior; stop being surprised."<BR/><BR/>You know what? I became more accepting Yosrahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02032254803613054574noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32207826.post-53263307002371790732008-07-02T06:04:00.000-06:002008-07-02T06:04:00.000-06:00Salaam;I know its going to take superhuman strengt...Salaam;<BR/>I know its going to take superhuman strength but dont get drawn into arguments. You have dealt with this whole situation with dignity and grace for so long... why spoil it now?<BR/>He has already proved time and time again that his actions are selfish... why are you still suprised?<BR/>Don't let him get to you. Now that you have chosen to seperate; use the time to work on your deen.<Tess GShttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16463848657844798471noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32207826.post-83235260408900657572008-07-01T17:35:00.000-06:002008-07-01T17:35:00.000-06:00Men are so frustrating. I sometimes think they do...Men are so frustrating. I sometimes think they don't even know what they want, except to feel comfortable all the time. I hope your husband wakes up to himself before his girls are old enough to realise he is not giving them the priority they need and deserve. It hurts so much when your child comes to you and asks "Why doesn't daddy want to play with me ... come to my school assembly ... etc ..Mum-mehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10964065407491663047noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32207826.post-53351305854579422462008-07-01T14:56:00.000-06:002008-07-01T14:56:00.000-06:00Wow. I'm so sorry you're going through this, but ...Wow. I'm so sorry you're going through this, but I'm very happy for you that you're separated. Everytime I read this blog I get so frickin' pissed off at your husband who makes you feel like sh*t. <BR/><BR/>I hope peace comes to you and you will be able to grow in yourself and your faith.Ashlinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08105776432133899420noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32207826.post-6305069240918760992008-07-01T12:23:00.000-06:002008-07-01T12:23:00.000-06:00Salaams My Dear Sister:What you write makes me rea...Salaams My Dear Sister:<BR/><BR/>What you write makes me really sad. Do you expect anything different sis? I think the huge battle in separations or divorce is the dismantling of the denial. But it's all part of the process. May Allah (swt) comfort and guide you sis/Ameen.Safiyyahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07670659439981133346noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32207826.post-68589287852136711172008-06-30T21:43:00.000-06:002008-06-30T21:43:00.000-06:00Oh Vena, I know this feeling oh so well. I could n...Oh Vena, I know this feeling oh so well. I could never understand why he was not more interested in being a father to our girls than running behind some woman. Even now we are divorced, it is even worse, when he speaks an outsider would think he was the best father, but he hardly sees the kids at all. I mean like for 5 minutes here and there once every two weeks. It is really bad. Yet when I Muminahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11911728220034451195noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32207826.post-13086140284139949412008-06-30T17:36:00.000-06:002008-06-30T17:36:00.000-06:00see vena..i think when you find yourself getting a...see vena..i think when you find yourself getting annoyed at something, you need to hold off before getting upset and then having the other person think they were in the right cuz you got ugly too. <BR/><BR/>you coulda said something like 'oh really. but its only 9? isha isn't till 10." and then seen what he said. instead of 'really what about these kids bla bla'. cuz to the man that sounds like Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32207826.post-33220474512962515622008-06-30T13:38:00.000-06:002008-06-30T13:38:00.000-06:00WOW! 2 years of this stuff you have had to endure....WOW! 2 years of this stuff you have had to endure. I didn't realize it had been going on that long until I went back to your very first post. You are in my duas sister.Jannahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08971750847129508931noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32207826.post-30577340511322848532008-06-30T12:22:00.000-06:002008-06-30T12:22:00.000-06:00Asalamu Alaikum Vena,I just went back and read you...Asalamu Alaikum Vena,<BR/>I just went back and read your posts from the first month when your recount the history of this relationship between your husband and Lisa. <BR/><BR/>I feel physically sick after reading it. May Allah help you.Esotericahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11125246476503375009noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32207826.post-42145736730824562962008-06-30T09:56:00.000-06:002008-06-30T09:56:00.000-06:00OMG! Vena!! Let me just say...I love you!I love ...OMG! Vena!! Let me just say...<BR/><BR/>I love you!<BR/>I love you! <BR/>I love you!<BR/><BR/>But believe me....this behaviour of yours is destructive. I think you will be hurting yourself more than you will be hurting him.<BR/><BR/>You know what your man is doing...and you know what he is capable of.......and sometimes he jus surprises the hell out of you...(thinking about the whole Lisa Safahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03753208969449031396noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32207826.post-46383091421563086252008-06-30T09:45:00.000-06:002008-06-30T09:45:00.000-06:00Sometimes we have to put our spouses in situations...Sometimes we have to put our spouses in situations like this in order to expose them. It sounds like the real him is coming out. Are you ready for the real him? Because if you can weather that out, you are truly strong. And its time to "Get-Out-Of-the-box", and see things clearly. And for some women that hurts the most. So they stay in the box, and tolerate.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32207826.post-27164069448385762972008-06-30T07:41:00.000-06:002008-06-30T07:41:00.000-06:00Assalamualaikummy goodness, i didn't think that th...Assalamualaikum<BR/>my goodness, i didn't think that this was really bad. and i really pray that it won't go any worst. sigh. your husband needs to wake up. he really does. <BR/>remind him of his rights and responsibilities.<BR/>i think u should step back for a while. pretend that he's nt in ur life anymore. temporarily. if single parent is what u're gg to deal with in the future, treat this as aAnonymousnoreply@blogger.com