tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32207826.post4554685404404830475..comments2019-11-12T06:08:59.908-06:00Comments on Thoughts of a First Wife: BabblingVenahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15011130955742407024noreply@blogger.comBlogger17125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32207826.post-43685480260613620862008-06-25T16:40:00.000-06:002008-06-25T16:40:00.000-06:00Asalaam alaikum Vena,Your entire post are things t...Asalaam alaikum Vena,<BR/><BR/>Your entire post are things that I have either written or thought during my bitter time as a first wife. Except I didn't try as hard as you had, exert as much patience as you. But all of this, these feelings you have that I have had, is how I ended up fighting for and getting a divorce. I was too far away from Allah, my iman was soooo weak, pretty much gone. And Muminahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11911728220034451195noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32207826.post-58786660699787291342008-06-22T22:09:00.000-06:002008-06-22T22:09:00.000-06:00Well, I can relate to a lot of what you wrote. I ...Well, I can relate to a lot of what you wrote. I have many similar issues with my husband, and I am his only wife. I often wonder if divorce is a good option, but after long consideration I know it won't help in the long run. A trial seperation may bring your husband to his senses, though. I hope it all works out for the best for you and your children (I also have 5 daughters).<BR/><BR/>I Mum-mehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10964065407491663047noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32207826.post-75378943071859853082008-06-22T10:52:00.000-06:002008-06-22T10:52:00.000-06:00As salamo alikum Veena:I live the last comment abo...As salamo alikum Veena:<BR/>I live the last comment about marriage. I guess I can agree with most of what she said. I married my husband 10 years ago, we were love birds. He took me places and we went for walks. He would bring me gifts home without me even asking. We were poor but VERY happy. Now we have 3 kids and we have huge hurtles that we have to get over. One main issue is money, although Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32207826.post-15363148421181127502008-06-21T23:43:00.000-06:002008-06-21T23:43:00.000-06:00Assalamo AliekoumFirst of all I don’t think you ar...Assalamo Aliekoum<BR/>First of all I don’t think you are going crazy, but you are pushing your self too hard and if you cant find a good way to vent then you will lose it one day and do something really dumb. I cannot say I understand what you are exactly going through but I have some things to point out:<BR/>When I first married my husband we were 19 and he was 23, we were INLOVE… I mean Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32207826.post-68864690705573793152008-06-21T23:23:00.000-06:002008-06-21T23:23:00.000-06:00As you are finding sister, this practice tips one ...As you are finding sister, this practice tips one upside down.<BR/>In a life of faith this can be good, if one is ready.<BR/>The key I think is, that the man does not take another wife until he is ready and Allah deems it so.<BR/>This sugests that one must learn to know allahs will, including to whom they be married. <BR/>So it cannot be done culturaly, or religiosly, but only by knowing when Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32207826.post-55441799988605289972008-06-21T19:39:00.000-06:002008-06-21T19:39:00.000-06:00Assalamu `alaykum sister,I have been faithfully re...Assalamu `alaykum sister,<BR/>I have been faithfully reading your blog since the beginning.<BR/><BR/>Let me tell you my thoughts. I will be blunt, so please forgive me in advance.<BR/><BR/>You seem to be someone with a soft and young heart, alhamdulillah. This is an amazing trait, but unfortunately it also makes you vulnerable to being taken for granted, which is what happened.<BR/><BR/>I don't Caminantehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16880064816086839405noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32207826.post-9026741452504078482008-06-21T18:47:00.000-06:002008-06-21T18:47:00.000-06:00If it is Allah you want, then why are you forcing ...If it is Allah you want, then why are you forcing your self to stay in situation that is not bring you closer to Allah?<BR/><BR/>You dont have to answer that to me, but think about it with yourself. You are a young woman, do you really want to spend however many years that Allah has decreed for you in this situation? And if you really do, for whose sake? You, your husband's or solely for Allah?<Musleemahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13685925843221561520noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32207826.post-9108055313348224772008-06-21T17:40:00.000-06:002008-06-21T17:40:00.000-06:00As salaamu alaykum Vena,Alhamdulillah, by the end ...As salaamu alaykum Vena,<BR/><BR/>Alhamdulillah, by the end of your post it seemed you had resolved your own issues. I say your own issues because you have them, we all do as women. <BR/><BR/>I am glad you remembered why we were created, wa khalaqtu jinna wa innsa lillah li yahbadoon, Allah says "And I created jinn & men to worship me." surah Ad dhariyaat ayat 56. <BR/><BR/>If we remember that, Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32207826.post-50760633464889489012008-06-21T15:14:00.000-06:002008-06-21T15:14:00.000-06:00I'm not sure we ever get over it we just learn to ...I'm not sure we ever get over it we just learn to cope....Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32207826.post-75110905923373343662008-06-21T13:24:00.000-06:002008-06-21T13:24:00.000-06:00subhanallah, I feel so bad for you. marriage is s...subhanallah, I feel so bad for you. marriage is such a trial when there is only one wife and husband. It must be very difficult. Are you able to talk to you husband about how you feel? that your considering getting a khula? do you think it will make a difference? <BR/><BR/>I know it's not an easy decision...and everyone's situation is different...i'm sure you've been following Safa's story.Shabanahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03434090499356292319noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32207826.post-46516706707088711182008-06-21T11:37:00.000-06:002008-06-21T11:37:00.000-06:00Oh Vena......I hate to say this....But you are wro...Oh Vena......I hate to say this....<BR/><BR/>But you are wrong! The kids deserve both of you. And islamically they have rights to their father 100% of the time.Safahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03753208969449031396noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32207826.post-37925685686256220712008-06-21T08:46:00.000-06:002008-06-21T08:46:00.000-06:00dear sister.....i'm just lost for words.It seems l...dear sister.....i'm just lost for words.<BR/>It seems like you're crying out for help.<BR/><BR/>Can i suggest something?? Why don't you sit down and write a letter to him? Explain to him what you want out of this marriage. He has got what he wants with his life, you need to lay your load on the table too. InshAllah, when he see's it in black and white it may just do the trick.<BR/><BR/>And Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32207826.post-87279510068943110962008-06-21T08:23:00.000-06:002008-06-21T08:23:00.000-06:00Salamu alaikumWhat is the point of having a husban...Salamu alaikum<BR/><BR/>What is the point of having a husband to be in so much pain. If you cannot rely on the man allah entrusted you to then what is the point?<BR/><BR/>I feel that you saying shaytan is winning is a way to excuse your husband's bad behavior. Sure shaytan can weasel his way in to an opening in your heart...an opeening that was put in by your husband. Your husband has given UmmAbdurRahmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09836313418391522585noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32207826.post-39221800832109388152008-06-21T07:01:00.000-06:002008-06-21T07:01:00.000-06:00Vena, you deserve more than the best. You are a ch...Vena, you deserve more than the best. You are a champion mom and wife. I don't Shaytaan is whispering to you. You are tired of being treated this way, it's simple and fair.<BR/><BR/>It's not shaytaan who is part of your problem, it's....<BR/><BR/>Allah with you habibity.Organicahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02401078847828763090noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32207826.post-14822381795234977172008-06-21T06:41:00.000-06:002008-06-21T06:41:00.000-06:00That was all well said. The beautiful thing about ...That was all well said. The beautiful thing about this is that it all came from you. These words should be written in stone, and put into practice. You have matured so much.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32207826.post-59235925984014641682008-06-21T05:15:00.000-06:002008-06-21T05:15:00.000-06:00Dear Vena,Your polygynous marriage is a great tria...Dear Vena,<BR/><BR/>Your polygynous marriage is a great trial -- anyone would be struggling under the circumstances. I really urge you to get some counseling -- and I don't mean at the masjid. Find a counselor who has some expertise in working with relationship problems and single mothers. You would be surprised at how much it helps to have a detached 3rd party to talk to. A counselor can advise Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32207826.post-63285873752958620182008-06-21T05:10:00.000-06:002008-06-21T05:10:00.000-06:00I myself have had some serious heartbreak and tria...I myself have had some serious heartbreak and trials through my 20 year marriage....at times I was so close to my deen it was like a living breathing part of my heart. Other times I moved so far away from it I felt like a hypocrite even referring to myself as Muslim. It was that bad. In the end I decided that what he said or did etc meant nothing to me...the only thing that mattered where my Coolred38https://www.blogger.com/profile/07502256532402473484noreply@blogger.com