tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32207826.post116252550755269221..comments2019-11-12T06:08:59.908-06:00Comments on Thoughts of a First Wife: Venahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15011130955742407024noreply@blogger.comBlogger11125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32207826.post-27489716826985466152008-02-08T14:23:00.000-06:002008-02-08T14:23:00.000-06:001) Generally, it is harder for the first wife. Usu...1) Generally, it is harder for the first wife. Usually, a husband and a wife have loved each other - all of a sudden, a wife has to realize the love and honour is gone. It's rough.<BR/><BR/>2) Speaking from my situation as a first wife, him "loving" me more or being his favourite has no bearing on remaining married. Because there is no real love in polygyny (for the men). There might be some Muminahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11911728220034451195noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32207826.post-31510638396314643982007-06-16T18:07:00.000-06:002007-06-16T18:07:00.000-06:00Salam alaikum, #1 I think it depends on the indivi...Salam alaikum, #1 I think it depends on the individual situation and person. I don't think it's fair to guess because each situation and person is different. I'm sure if I was the first I would wonder why he took another and wonder if it was a lack on my part.<BR/><BR/>#2 I am in a marriage where I don't know for a fact but I think he loves his other wife more than me and I plan to stay in it Muslim Flowerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17821764266465553069noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32207826.post-1164498107685665932006-11-25T17:41:00.000-06:002006-11-25T17:41:00.000-06:00#1 It is hard on everyone involved. I know that mo...#1 It is hard on everyone involved. I know that most of the responses are based on what the women go through and not what the man goes through, but I tell you it is difficult on everyone involved. For the first wife it is difficult because there are insecurities there of adequacy "What's wrong with me" syndrome, and "am I being replaced". You know the situation between my wife and I and even Muhammadhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11407502245354820877noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32207826.post-1162911538936259252006-11-07T08:58:00.000-06:002006-11-07T08:58:00.000-06:00#1Polygyny is hard on all parties involved because...#1<BR/><BR/>Polygyny is hard on all parties involved because most men have no idea how to be polygynous and as women we were not created to be polygynous at all. It is a painful struggle on all sides. I agree with you though vena that because the first wife is usually forced to accept it (stay and put up with it or leave and put up with it) that she has a much harder time because no one deserves Musleemahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13685925843221561520noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32207826.post-1162834747197059182006-11-06T11:39:00.000-06:002006-11-06T11:39:00.000-06:00As salamu alikum sis....I totally agree with this ...As salamu alikum sis....<BR/><BR/>I totally agree with this comment<BR/><BR/>"It's hard for the second wife because no one expects it to be hard for her, people often assume she's a terrible person, she often has to give up her rights in order to placate the first wife...People are often intolerant of her feelings, don't bother to find out how things occured from her perspective, whereas they Venahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15011130955742407024noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32207826.post-1162812820094452932006-11-06T05:33:00.000-06:002006-11-06T05:33:00.000-06:00Assalamu Alaikoum,i think people always assume tha...Assalamu Alaikoum,<BR/>i think people always assume that it's harder for the first wife, but i really think it depends on the individual circumstances. Second wifes don't always know exactly what they are getting into. Different people people will have different understandings of the same issue. Two people may view their marriage differently. If a second wife understands the first marriage JamilaLighthousehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10827570289528701677noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32207826.post-1162737117900947182006-11-05T08:31:00.000-06:002006-11-05T08:31:00.000-06:00Asalamalaykom Sister Vena,1. I feel that I have b...Asalamalaykom Sister Vena,<BR/><BR/>1. I feel that I have been both 1st wife and 2nd wife with this husband. I was going to be a 2nd wife until his 1st wife divorced with him. Then, when he thought to take her back, I was like a 1st wife. I have had a much harder time being the 1st wife. I feel that their romance leading up to their decision to reunite was horribly hard. It doesn't seem as Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32207826.post-1162707208027428512006-11-05T00:13:00.000-06:002006-11-05T00:13:00.000-06:00Masha Allah....these are great answers!!! Maybe I ...Masha Allah....these are great answers!!! Maybe I should answer my own questions. <BR/><BR/>#1 Of course I believe that polygyny is hard for both wives, but no one will convince me that it is not harder for the first wife. The second wife usually is aware if the situation she is getting in even if she doesn't realize the extent of it all, but the first wife is usually battling feelings of Venahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15011130955742407024noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32207826.post-1162684999698709212006-11-04T18:03:00.000-06:002006-11-04T18:03:00.000-06:00#1 I am not sure but I have heard it hard both way...#1 I am not sure but I have heard it hard both ways. I guess for me it was hard because I felt betrayed.I had no idea what I was getting into and had I know I would not have stayed but when I found out I had invested too much to turn my back. But initially I felt I would NEVER be able to live up to her....Alhumdullilah I am glad I stayed. For the fist wife, if I was the first wife I think I Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32207826.post-1162589601473609842006-11-03T15:33:00.000-06:002006-11-03T15:33:00.000-06:001. i don't think it's a matter of who it's harder ...1. i don't think it's a matter of who it's harder for...i think each wife has her own different struggles/fears/doubts/battles. like for instance, while the first wife may feel that her husband taking another wife is due to some inadequacy in her, the new wife oftentimes has fears of not being able to measure up to the first wife. so essentially they both have the same fear/battle of feeling Aneesa Lewishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04410568170354507242noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32207826.post-1162586859458515182006-11-03T14:47:00.000-06:002006-11-03T14:47:00.000-06:001. I would think harder for the first. The second...1. I would think harder for the first. The second one knows what she's getting into.<BR/>2. It depends on the person.<BR/>3. Do you believe a woman can love two men equally? I do, and I believe a man can love two women equally as well. I'm not saying it's common, though.Mollyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14566968194892773145noreply@blogger.com